What I told him was what I’ve told all before him. Complexes are not the best investment for strength, nor is Cuba the place for a snowman, whatever that means. The return is there, sure – it is consistent, it is predictable, but it is not something one can retire on and still have the means to feed his cat.

His reply was of the argumentative sort, and quick to announce that he has long been under the firm impression that kettlebell complexes are the capital constructors of muscle and might, and that there is none better suited for the job. And so we engaged in discussion, which is the method I use for telling another person he’s wrong.

The major function of the kettlebell complex, I said to him, is to serve as a body fat reducer. That is, as a metabolic effort to boost work capacity and belabor the breath. But you mustn’t belabor a person too much all at once, else they may quit the business of breathing altogether, and then what’s the point?

This is true of my 9-Minute Workout. It is also true of my Great Destroyer, but with that, a disclaimer: do not do The Great Destroyer everyday, less you are trying to guarantee the undertaker’s salary, which would put chiropractors out of business.

For a complex to be an effective measure towards strength, it must visit upon the customer a substantial muscular encumberment and overload. And so, any “strength complex” that commands you to work a series of movements for any more than five reps at a time, it must be obvious, fails to satisfy said requirement and abandons any such notable strength efforts altogether.

Armor Building

Armor building is a complex I learned from Dan John, and now, when a person asks me for a strength complex, this is the product I put into their hands. Armor building, as Dan makes the distinction, is not hypertrophy, per se, but rather, a hardening and toughening of the flesh with the expected accompaniment of strength.

Two, one, and three are the reps. The double clean, the double press, and the front squat, performed in that order, are the moves. Because the reps are low, the weight can be high, and, if you want to get burly with it, should be. I would use for this nothing less than your five rep maximum effort on the military press.

Same, But Different

What follows are subtle variations on the same theme. Because I am a believer in the same but different approach, I hold the character amongst my colleagues of being the fellow who very seldom changes his routine. That is, if it works, let it work, and make only minor adjustments, as needed, to avoid staleness or stagnation.

3, 1, 2

An exhibition of my unquestionable brilliance. What I have done, and I’ll write slowly so you can keep up, is taken the first number and switched it with the last.

Two Bell Chain

Training in a chain offers you variations on speed and tempo by waving the load. The premise is very plain. Get a light set, a medium set, and a heavy set, and run right on down the line.

One Bell Chain

Here we have the single bell variation, also performed in a chain. The merit here is that one will require a little less rest between sets, as alternation is encouraged.

300 Swings Armor Building Complex

For those of you who are part of the 300 Swings a Day Challenge, here’s a special complex for you. You’ll get all your swings in for the day, plus cleans, presses, and front squats.

Putting It All Together

Programming is a matter I’d rather not get too much into right now, as I do not wish to too openly encourage that single most unpardonable sin against your neighbors of being successful. Simply suffice it to say if you work the armor building theme and variations one to two times a week, starting out, and for fifteen to twenty minutes, you will gain the most enviable of all things – your neighbors’ envy.

The post The Armor Building Kettlebell Complex and 4 Other Beastly Strength Builders appeared first on Breaking Muscle.

me tell you this tale, it would do you none finer. It is about the kettlebell swing, and specifically, about doing 300 kettlebell swings per day, everyday, and without exception.

Performing swings (two hand or one hand, it matters not) everyday, intermittently, and to the grand total of three hundred serves a couple useful purposes.

Would you like a simple way to cut fat? If so, then gather round and let

me tell you this tale, it would do you none finer. It is about the kettlebell swing, and specifically, about doing 300 kettlebell swings per day, everyday, and without exception.

Performing swings (two hand or one hand, it matters not) everyday, intermittently, and to the grand total of three hundred serves a couple useful purposes.

Primarily it offers a form of metabolic resistance training “on-the-go,” to stoke the metabolic furnace, and to leave it burning even after exercise has long since been concluded. In brief, it is a very efficient way to burn fat, and you do not get the same effect from traditional “cardio” efforts, as we’ve come to know.

Secondarily, the swing is a marvelous and mighty movement for toughening and shaping the ass, limbering the hamstrings, and strengthening the low back.

When done properly it all at once boosts power, flexibility, and work capacity.

300 reps seems to be the magic number – the Goldilocks number – not too much, not too little, but just right. If you are experienced, I offer the follow prescription.

Men use a 24kg and woman a 16kg. If you are not experienced, well, then, get a coach, because the swing is not something you should learn on your own.

What is the best way to do your swings? I do not recommend doing them all at once. Instead, chunk it down into sets of ten, twenty, or maybe even fifty, and work them sporadically throughout the waking hours.

If I may venture an idea, do simply leave your kettlebell in a the highest area of traffic in your house, say, the kitchen, and each time you encounter the cumbrous thing, work a set of swings to whatever number delights you.

For an added bonus knock a set or two off right before you feed and right after, too, to ensure whatever gourd you take aboard is shuttled off preferentially to the hungry muscle flesh and not promptly converted and deposited where it might come off as unappealing.

I said the program is 300 kettlebell swings a day, and that premise, I believe, is plain enough to avoid any further elaborations. But still it begs the question. What else am I to do on top of this? The answer, pretty much, is anything you’d like.

This 300 swings a day protocol is simply a splash of hot sauce, which can decorate nearly any dish and do it one better.

You might also like:

• The Hybrid Power Conditioning Program
• Try These Kettlebell Workout Splits For Major Muscle Gains
• 3 Kettlebell Workouts And How To Plan Your Week

The post 300 Swings a Day for Faster Fat Loss appeared first on Breaking Muscle.

I did not graduate college. Some people say I was just, to put it plainly, somehow very stupid, and I think there may be some truth to that, because my mother said it, too, but I don’t think it’s pertinent. I started out a dual major in finance and accounting, and none could have described my excitement in words; that is, until I heard all the ruckus and excitement that came with majoring in snatches. So I affirmed my resolution and sought out Mr. Norris, my guidance counselor, and demanded my major be changed to the snatch, because that is what all the fellows in my hall said they came to college for, and it was only fair that I ought to be afforded the same high luxury. I said I would work really hard at it and graduate with high honors, and whenever the occasion arose would I give the highest endorsement to the place where I majored in snatches – “West Chester University, of Pennsylvania – talk to Mr. Norris, he’ll get you into snatches easy!”

Said I’d surely make the Dean’s list, too, admitting to being something of an expert in the matter already, and would happily give him a demonstration right here in his office, just had to grab my equipment. Well I guess the class was full, because no sooner than I started to warm my hips up was I drug off the premises by two fellows disguised as policemen and thrown into a dorm that looked just like a jail, and my roommate this time was all the more well-mannered and respectable and invited me to show him my snatch without even knowing I was an expert! But I told him I couldn’t because I hadn’t the equipment. He understood.

And here, thus, we are brought to my thesis. Can the handling of a snatch be taught? I suspect it cannot. Because nobody who ever went to college for the snatch, so far as I know, ever learned a thing about it – and I think the problem must be that the professors who are teaching it themselves really know very little about it.

But surely the snatch, if it cannot be taught, can still be learned – and learned quicker and easier, too, with some guidance from somebody who knows his way around it, like myself, or Professor Dan John, than it could be otherwise on your own.

I have in my day given three most useful advices for the refinement and refreshment of one’s snatch. They are as follows:

The first, of course, is to not even think of fooling around with snatches until you have spent sufficient time with all things requisite; to wit, that before you go – I was going to say “balls deep,” but as I’d prefer to keep this article free from any indecencies, I’ll just say “the whole hog,” as the phrase has it – that you have full command over the two hand swing, the one arm swing, the clean, and other such things of a hip-hinging nature, as well as the press and the get-up.

Three months minimum is what I recommend to a fellow who wants to get himself deep into snatches – that is, three months spent only on swings (both two arm, and one arm) and get-ups first, and no other funny business. After that, a fellow should allot an additional two to three months familiarizing himself with the intricacies of the clean and military press, before he goes poking his head around in places it shouldn’t be. The same goes for any ma’ams, though they do tend, as my experience shows, to advance quicker than most fellows in nearly all departments.

Now when you are ready to have a go at snatches, it is imperative that you approach them with some prudence, or, as I tell all my clients, let it get a sniff your hand first, else it might engage its teeth. I speak figuratively, of course – snatches aren’t dogs, obviously – but the point is this: Do not go after the biggest, fattest snatch you can find slinking around the gym, as so many desperately zealous men tend to do – start with a snatch you know you can handle; one that will challenge you, but not eat you alive. Because if you don’t pick the right size, and then if you come at it from the wrong angle, a heavy snatch could break your arm entirely in half, clear through, I’ve seen it happen!

My second piece of advice is to learn the snatch in reverse. Start from the top, and learn the groove coming down, rather than going up. It is easier this way and will save you much agony. As well, if you can figure the snatch down, you can figure it up – the groove is reciprocated. So, start at the top of the snatch; cheat it up however you’d like – clean and press works well – and then work your way down like this: At the lockout simply think of throwing the bell straight down into your loins, and moving your hips out of the way at the very last second. From there, just go into a one arm swing, a clean, or whatever; don’t even worry about bringing it all the way back up yet. Give it time.

And regarding moving the hips out of the way, I’ll tell you just one horror story. This one guy, he did not get his hips out of the way in time, as I’m telling you to do, and it struck him, squished his most cherished parcel, and bounced. It sounded just as it would if you were to drop a melon from a second story window. As to the type of melon, I would say a honeydew. And basic physics tells us this: When a hurling, screaming cast iron instrument of roughly one and a half pood meets a fixed object at full-tilt, and when that fixed object is another person’s genitals, the benefit, let me tell you, is never toward the receiver – it is toward the spectator. This poor fellow, he slumped to the ground, clutched his injury, howled out in one final colossal excretion of pain, and was dead.

My last piece of advice is to film your snatch, get it on YouTube, and send it to Dan John. That way he can get a good look at it, and you can get a good look at it, too. Now because you can’t see your own snatch (if you can, then you can do something I cannot) most people are frightened when they witness it on camera for the first time, because they simply have no prior information as to how unlovely it ultimately and really is.

And let me caution you. Don’t have somebody look at their own snatch for the first time near a bridge, because they are likely to want to throw themselves off it. “That’s what my snatch looks like? Is that really so? Where is that sharp knife?” is what you will hear. And yes, I do vividly recall the instance I caught my own snatch on film for the very first time. I was out my usual cameraperson that day and enlisted the means my sweet and tender grandmother to come into the basement and fulfill the roll. And what a mess it was! It looked angry and frustrated, and caused me to shriek. But it has come along way, my snatch has. Here, take a quick look:

Now when you go to show off your snatch, as you can see, note that the start position requires you to push your butt back towards whatever is behind you, and for the unveiling you snap your hips forward with all the passion of a surprise enema, and finish standing tall with your arm(s) straight in the air, garnering a grade of either pass or fail.

Also, and please put this down, do you notice how I am loosening my grip and spearing my hand through the snatch, and not trying to go into it with a balled fist? This makes for an easier, smoother insertion, and will likely save you from tearing a callous, acquiring a blood blister, or other such rookie mistakes.

And just a few other things that I look for when examining a snatch. At the start, does the person hinge or does the person squat? There is a difference, and it is a marked one. In a hinge, the butt goes back; in a squat, down. In a hinge, the hips are above the knees but below the shoulders; in a squat, the hips are below both the knees and the shoulders. In a hinge, you have maximal hip flexion with minimal knee flexion; in a squat, you maximize both, preferably. This is why I place such a strict emphasis on mastering the swing before the snatch – it teaches the hinge.

I hope you found this article useful, but I don’t want you to think that getting into snatches is the one quintessential, all-important, and ultimate quest of life. Because how useful are snatches, really? I have myself the character amongst my colleagues of being one who holds the value of snatches in some doubt. What I mean to say is what can you get from a snatch that can’t be gotten elsewhere for cheaper and easier, and with considerably less intimidation? The answer, of course, is not much. Most of what you can get out of a snatch, save for a slightly increased rate of secreted fluids, can also be gotten out of a one arm swing, or a one arm high pull – and even those too, worked good and hard, cause you to sweat all the same.

But still I am a man who loves his snatches, so I leave you with these. The first is a means to handle heavy snatches, the second, lighter ones. Because it is good to not keep with the same sort of snatch all the time, else you might get bored and be left under stimulated; and I cannot feasibly imagine that the Great Creator, in all his all-pervading wisdom, would have set so many different species of snatch to roam freely about the verdure of his Footstool if he did not want you to catch and sample them all.

Snatch Ladders:

Cadence Snatching:

Photo 1 courtesy of Shutterstock.

Photos 2 & 3 courtesy of Pat Flynn.

The post How to Freshen Your Snatch appeared first on Breaking Muscle.

I’ll give one example, and pass on.

In college I went regularly to a chiropractor down on South Walnut. The man was a quack, to put it directly, and bought hard into his own baloney. This made him very dangerous. What he had done, effectively, was reduced the whole of biology to a level at which even a congressman could grasp it. Cancer, allergies, malaria, and toothaches to him, were nothing of what the scientific community made them out to be. Instead, all ailments were rooted in a pinched nerve, and he could cure you, or at the very least initiate the healing process, through a series of thrashings.

After he pummeled your lower lumbar he would next shine lasers on you with a pen-like device at various points on your head, collarbone, and wrists, and have you pant like a dog all the while. It’s a spectacle every time. Thereafter, but only if the Good Lord saw it fit, which means you paid cash in advance, you were awarded his premier service, an allergenic treatment with the most rare and sacred medicine, and whatever could that be if not a mangy clump of rat hair? He’d fetch a tuft of it from his ever-close tray of vials, and run it all over your body, delicate as a feather, finishing you off with tickle on the nose – said it “desensitized you.”

Is it fraud? I’m inclined to say it is. But is fraud not amusing? I’m also inclined to say it is. Dr. Lipschitz, as he’s known, has the best comedy in town. Nothing compares to it. And a few years back I even paid the sixty bucks to bring my ex-girlfriend and watch her get tickled with rat hair, which is why she’s my ex-girlfriend.

The point is this. I have talked to numerous persons, all ages, and not all of them complete morons either, who have attributed this man to healing their conditions – from chronic pain to Lyme disease to pancreatitis to far worse. I have seen it happen over and over again. Now the person who is inherently skeptical, like me, experiences no positives effects ever. I just go for the humor of it, because what else am I going to do? But the person who is all hopped up on Genesis, well, there occurs, by no other way to describe it, a direct miracle of God every time. The only downside is that the miracle lasts only two weeks, and it costs you another sixty bucks to get it renewed.

A sugar pill that would otherwise exercise no physiological effects, when called by another name, has shown to cure man of all his sorrows. At least for two weeks. It’s like the “special drink” in Space Jam; meaning, it is not the sugar pill that does anything, but the persons faith in the man who gave it to him.

Diets work the same way. I believe in paleo, somewhat, which means I have cured my dandruff with bacon grease. The person who believes in veganism has done the same with pea protein. Such is the power of dogma.

(Regarding the paleo diet: Is it really how cavemen used to eat? Don’t know, wasn’t around back then, you’d have to ask my mother in law. But if a caveman walked into my house right now and I offered him some pancakes, which is the customary thing to do, I’m pretty sure he’d eat that shit right up. I don’t like the paleo diet because I think it’s how our ancestors used to eat. I like the paleo diet because it has you eating whole, real foods, and it has you avoiding foods that are otherwise unnecessary.)

Fasting

Fasting is the world’s oldest cure-all and I think it’s totally legitimate. It’s older than my mother in law. Older even, than the Titanic, but that came much later. The ancients used fasting to keep in good health and “return to the source.” I also use it also to keep in good health, and get lean, too, but enlightenment, well, I don’t know, never really considered it.

I have had, in my day, many experiences with fasting, from long fasts, to short fasts, to controlled fasts, to juice fasts. But now I separate out juicing from fasting for reasons of pure convenience, and keep fasting confined to its strictest definition, which is the complete abstinence of food.

Perhaps fasting works for me simply because I believe in it. Who would deny that? Only a very foolish person. But perhaps fasting also works, and there is really no denying this either, because it cuts large chunks of calories out of your diet, and with considerable ease, too.

The true benefits of fasting, and I mean the ones validated scientifically, are really quite high in number. To list a few:

• Increased growth hormone pulse and frequency (more growth hormone, more often)
• Increased fatty acid mobilization and oxidation
• Increased cellular stress response
• Restored proper pH balance in the blood (acid/alkaline)
• Increased neurogenesis (the birth of new brain cells)

And so on, and so on.

The arguments against fasting – although almost always the same recitation of incoherent nonsense, entirely false, and beside the point – should also be listed. Here are the two most common specimens:

1. “Not eating slows your metabolism.”
2. “Fasting makes you lose all your muscle mass.”

In America (and I’m sure other countries, too, but I’m just going to speak on what I know), it’s a curious thing to see how much traction an utterly false and idiotic saying (or idea) can get. And what’s more alarming is how a silly remark can become sanctified and made permanent through repetition, despite whether or not it has any truth in it, and despite whether or not the issuer has any merit in him.

If you want what you say to be the prevailing and lasting wisdom of the day, then whisper something exciting and wrong into the ear of a chinwagger and it will get passed around with all the heat of a gossip column. And when I say the day, I mean bad advice lasts a geological period. Good advice, about two weeks. If you can explain this phenomenon, then you can do something I cannot.

But the theory in short, set forth by someone I don’t know who, is that fasting makes you gain fat and lose muscle all at the same time, depletes you of energy, and other such claptrap. Incredible! Though it holds a little inconsistent with the laws of physiology and is not entirely true to nature, but I was willing to entertain the idea. But alas, I have long searched up hill and down dale for any evidence in support of these claims but have come back with not even a germ. All my experience, many years thick, has returned the opposite effect. And all legitimate research as well points the other way.

Because of fasting, I am leaner than I ever was (I keep around 8% BF, and have never been describable as a naturally lean fellow), and my strength has not suffered one bit from it, but increased steadily along the way and over the years. If I were losing muscle mass at even a very slow rate, surely my strength would have stalled out by now, or even driven backwards, but this is not the case, and I fast in some manner or fashion the greater number of days each week. I stand that I could be the exception, but…

…so has the experience of my clients, and readers surveyed, and persons messaged me, emailed me, and texted me – though not many peoples text me – confirmed this – not once, in all my years blogging, coaching, and running workshops have I received a single complaint from a person who fasted and got enormous from it, or even a little bit chunky; nor have I heard of anyone fasting and being discontented because it made them into an invalid: decrepit, emaciated, and without potency. Their muscles do not get soft from it, nor does a lack of breakfast sausage cause the bicep to get timid in a flexed position, resembling a teensy weensy bird egg, but instead it rises proud as an obelisk, assuming the fellow weight trains, of course, and when you squeeze it it does not glide beneath your fingers like an oyster, as mine did for many solemn years, but greets you with a firm resolve.

This requires, as mentioned, that the fasted person weight trains, as this is the only true maker of hard muscles – resistance training, not frequent eating – and fasting, if you can believe it, serves to enhance the effects of heavy lifting.

I agree, strongly and completely, that fasting is not for everyone all of the time. I will also agree that it all pretty much sucks at first and you have to keep at it like EverQuest if you ever want to get something good out of it. There are always exceptions, of people who would do better not fasting, or with shorter periods of fasting, and I am not here to push any one agenda, or even fasting as a whole, but to give you two general approaches that have worked mighty well for me, my clients, and readers. And if you find them useful, which I hope you do, coo’.

Micro-Fasting

The first is micro-fasting. Put plainly, this is where you fast for short periods frequently, perhaps even everyday. The most common approach, and the one I too recommend, is a sixteen-hour fast coupled with an eight hour “eating window.” This is not new. When researching for my intermittent fasting book, I discovered this exact approach written about by that muckraking fellow Upton Sinclair in his book The Fasting Cure. This book was written in 1911, and I have no doubt he stole this approach from a book probably written a hundred years prior. As they say, nothing is original.

24-Hour Fasting

The second approach might have more convenient appeal, and is more traditional I guess. It requires that once or twice a week you forgo eating for 24 hours, maybe even a little longer. This I have drawn back so far, as a health practice, to the ancient Taoists. But they are more manly than I, as the Taoists fast for up to seven days, sometimes longer still! But I haven’t the character for that. Do you?

Some tips, to get you started. First, drink lots of water, and keep yourself plenty hydrated. This will curb hunger. Another tip, if hunger remains an issue, is to ingest psyillium husk first thing in the morning and with a tall glass of water. This is a fiber supplement and when you first take it, you will be put in a condition to finally get through that novel you’ve been wanting to read, the whole series, in fact.

Lastly I want to say any sort of fasting can be made doubly good when you pair it with some intense exercise, just as any good dinner is made doubly good with served with beer or wine.

But what have been your experiences with fasting, I would be interested to know? Share them in the comments and let’s chat.

Photo 1 by 1843 Punch cartoon – author unknown [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons.

Photo 2 by Codex (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-3.0], via Wikimedia Commons.

Photo 3 by Staff of “The Mascot”, New Orleans [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons.

Photo 4 by Lekegian, G. [CC-BY-SA-2.5], via Wikimedia Commons.

The post What’s The Best Diet and What’s Bunk? (And the Real Deal on Fasting) appeared first on Breaking Muscle.

But he’s not alive. He’s dead, finally, and it’s hard to get a straight answer out of a dead person. But what he would tell you, like he told me, is that taking aboard a nightly drink adds twenty years to your life and increases its joys by 100%.

This might be a mildly gross exaggeration, and purely anecdotal, but the moderate drinker (a couple drinks a week), as the research clearly shows, does outlive the teetotaler, interestingly enough – and I think it is in large part due to the effect it has on stress. Alcohol, as even a college professor could tell you, acts as a depressant when taken in, and not a stimulant. It soothes you. Two drinks and it leaves you feeling slightly simmered, as if you were in a broth. You are relaxed and more sociable, because the tonic is naturally anxiolytic, and things go a little bit more swimmingly.

I am not here to make a case for alcohol, but a case against cases against it. Some people, I freely admit, are not well suited for it, as I am not well suited for going out in public, or trousers. But alcohol I do well with, in moderation. I even keep my leanness about me, too.

I’m not making a case for drunkenness either. Remember, I said slightly simmered. There is a difference. The drunkard is a baboon and hardly exhibits any worthwhile qualities. The person who is not smashed but gently subdued, or what we might modernly refer to as being tipsy, is much more humane than he normally is otherwise, and can tolerate just about any relative, even an Uncle Larry, even a Pat Flynn, and be amiable towards him, too.

I do not recommend drinking when you have work to do, however. Not a good idea. The man who has taken in a cocktail or two is in no condition, I’ve learned, to operate a kettlebell, deliver a baby, play Sudoku, execute a muscle up, bathe a St. Bernard (though bathing a St. Bernard puts you in a condition for a cocktail), or cut off a leg.

But to be direct, I will say the host of men are immediately more charming when the hour has come for them to give up the faucet water and turn to something beyond mere oxygen and hydrogen. Even my Uncle Larry, deplorable as he is, after a few, halts his tyranny. Because no man with two drinks in him ever sought to oppress another man, least not one I’ve ever met. No, the tipsy fellow is most all of the time an up-lifter. He is a lover and a caregiver, pays compliments, and winks his eye at even the homeliest of girls.

Do I need to list off the further benefits of moderate alcohol consumption, as they pertain to actual statistics, or can we pass on? To be safe: improved insulin sensitivity, lower risk of cardiovascular disease, cancer protection, warding off Alzheimer’s, improved glycemic control, better gut health (tied directly to red wine), and other such profits related to triglycerides, blood pressure, cholesterol, and right on down the long line. It would not be so seemingly farfetched to say alcohol, when applied judiciously, is a tonic for general health.

Whiskey is my preferred specimen. But it’s probably not the best choice. Red wine, as we all know, is better, and so are dark beers, too, because they are fuller of the good stuff, namely B-vitamins, antioxidants, and the whatnot.

How to Gorge, Guzzle, and Not Get Fat

Let’s get to the point of this. I want to help you have a few drinks, to accompany your dinner, or breakfast, and not feel bad about it. I’m going to give you what some might call a damage control formula, and you’ve probably seen something similar to this at one point or another, but I’m going to give you mine, which is hardly original as I just took pieces from here, there, and everywhere, but it seems to work well. Now, if you are clean 95% of the time, you can be naughty the remainder, and needn’t worry a thing about it. You don’t need what I’m going to give you.

But because Thanksgiving is coming up, a time to gorge and to guzzle, and to eat corn, that is why I’m going to give this to you. Again, not because you need it (though it may very well help to mitigate some fat gain – as any meal of preposterous proportions, without proper preparation, will result in some fat gain), but because if you are anything like me, which is to say, abnormal in the general sense, obsessive compulsive, perpetually overexcited, neurotic, manic, erratic, then I think you’re really going like what I’ve got here, and a few drinks will probably do you some good. If nothing else, it helps with the rationalization process later on down the line when you’ve got your fork in your sister’s piecrust, and find yourself drinking Old Granddad out of the cat dish.

My procedure for any holiday is as follows:

1. Morning Fast
2. Intense Workout
3. Light Protein
4. Gorge and Guzzle

To elaborate on each point:

1. The Morning Fast

The morning fast should last until about approximately twelve or one o’clock. Supposing you did not eat too late into the prior evening, this will give you, roughly, a sixteen-hour fast, the benefits of which, if repeated frequently enough, are enormous. (If you want to learn more you may find this helpful.) Fasting serves to increase natural growth hormone pulse and frequency, improves insulin sensitivity, spurs neurogenesis, burns fat, and restores health to the gut, liver, and soul. It also creates something of a calorie debt, or exactly that, to be repaid in chunks of turkey, malt liquor, and cobs of corn.

2. The Intense Workout

The intense workout (see below for an idea) is best conducted in a fasted state, because exercise and fasting are like coffee and cigarettes: they increase the effects of each other. The difference between the two combinations – I feel it shouldn’t even need to be brought up – is that smoking cigarettes and drinking coffee might not be totally good for you.

The exception to this, of course, would be my mother, whose daily behavior would otherwise kill a human, or at least afford them the luxury of dialysis. But not my mother, this would not suit her. Instead, she defies all known laws of physiology and makes a mockery of science and good sense by being very simply a going concern; and whatever one thinks they might avoid by taking proper care of themselves, she has avoided it all, by doing precisely the opposite. I speak with some spite, naturally, though I love my mother dearly.

Still, I recommend taking good care of yourself, because the odds, it appears, are still in your favor for doing so. Exercise and fasting are choice. Coffee and cigarettes are hard to recommend.

3. Light Protein

Leading up to your feast, just nibble on some light protein throughout the day, keeping the carbs and calories low. When I say nibble, I really probably mean sip. A good organic whey protein, with no nonsense in it, is a fair selection, if you have the tolerance for it. If not, go back to nibbling.

4. Gorge and Guzzle

Everything thus far has been in preparation for the feast: to deplete glycogen, to bring insulin to a trickle, and to make room, metabolically speaking, for a substantial caloric load, and a few drinks, too. Does it all really help? I think it does, yes, even if it’s just to a minor extent.

But more so, I like the idea of earning my banquet, thinking I’ve worked hard for it, and paid in sweat and labor and cleans and presses. It’s primal, I guess. Almost like I’ve been out on the hunt all day, toiling through Mother Nature, messing her blouse, looking for a critter, and with my superior genius, trapping the varmint, and murdering it, sending its spirit off to Bliss Eternal, and its meat into my belly directly. But I could not do this in real life, because I haven’t the character to do it. Which is why for my family I buy an Eberly turkey instead, from the store down the street, and roast it in the oven at the exact wrong temperature so when it finally does come out, it’s thawed perfectly and I get banned from cooking ever again, which is ideal.

A Workout Idea

500 swings should do you nicely for an intense pre-holiday workout, which you can easily get done through Dan John’s 10,000 Rep Swing Challenge. For more on fitness minimalism, primal movement, and metabolic conditioning read this.

Conclusion

My thesis is that most men, and women, too, are slightly better off alcoholized than not. Not all of the time, but some of the time.

It’s nearly five o’clock, and time for me to walk down the street to Station Taproom for some beer and fresh cheeses. Sam will probably serve me. I hope you have a good Thanksgiving, and if you give this whole workout and fasting thing a go, let me know how it turns out for you. Cheers.

Photo courtesy of Shutterstock.

Illustrations courtesy of Pat Flynn.

The post In Defense of Alcohol: Why Drinking is “Good for You” and How to Not Get Fat from It appeared first on Breaking Muscle.

I’ve been having sex for a number of months now and have learned a thing or two about it. I decided to try it, just for the exercise of it, but have concluded it to be an enjoyable activity in its own right, especially when conducted with a woman.

But because I am only public school educated, I was not aware of some things pertaining to sex that I should previously have made strict note of. Namely, that by such an act of consecration – assuming you come at it from the right angle – you can actually force the hand of God to create a new and everlasting soul! I do wish somebody would have told me this beforehand! What power is this!

This my girlfriend, Christine, one week from due date.

Sex is important to the health of the human organism, it seems, and undeniably imperative, on the whole, to keep our species something of a going concern. In other words, it’s how we procreate. I do not want to go into the details of exactly how to do it (that’s nasty), but as I just returned the video to Redbox, after accruing some late fees that were to me economically calamitous and having the cops called on me once or twice, you can go pick it up and learn as I did.

What I want to talk about today, precisely, is how physical exercise with a kettlebell can make you into a better performer. Now, look, I readily admit I’m not the best in bed, but dammit if I’m not fast. And really, what I want you to get most out of this short little post is to learn how swinging a kettlebell, and doing a few other things with it here and there, can help you put the hanky back in hanky-panky. (That was a really bad paragraph.)

#1: Kettlebells Make You Bendy

All regions of your body, for the purposes of sex, should be entirely bendable, excepting only one if you be a male. Swings actively stretch you out as you do them, making them a sexual asset. So do goblet squats and Turkish get-ups, which both, too, serve to supple the hips. Few modalities blend strength, power, and mobility as seamlessly as do kettlebell training.

The depths of your sexual imagination, I submit, are limited in direct proportion to your mobility. Passive stretching is all well and good – so is all that crawling and “pressing reset” stuff, all very good stuff. But the progressive, active, and loaded stretching made possible through the ballistic and grinding kettlebell movements, I’ve found to be very nearly unbeatable.

#2: Kettlebells Give You Wind

A good coach once said to me, “Sometimes you will lose because your opponent is better than you. That just happens. But never should you lose because your opponent is better conditioned than you.” While I do not often consider my partner in sex to be my opponent, per se, I believe this advice still loosely applies. Because it is not mannerly to peter out in the middle of it, I’ve found, and it can even get you into some trouble. As well, it makes you look inexperienced.

So I have taken a small liberty and devised a kettlebell complex (of which I have many) to grant you supreme sexual capacity, or something like that. Run a as many quality round of this as you can in fifteen minutes, a couple times a week, and you will be so vigorously conditioned as is the Energizer Bunny. The complex calls for two bells of unequal size, because what do you ever lift in sex that is perfectly symmetrical, I want to know.

I use, in this complex, a 24kg and a 16kg, respectively:

• 1 x double swing
• 1 x double press
• 1 x front squat
• 2 x double swing
• 2 x double press
• 2 x front squat
• 3 x double swing
• 3 x double press
• 3 x front squat

#3: Kettlebells Teach You How to Use Your Hips

The kettlebell swing is a very close approximation, if you ask me, to sex – assuming I’m doing it right (not the swing, I know I’m doing that right). To produce and reduce force from the hips, that’s what it teaches you. I say, this sounds somewhat useful, now doesn’t it?

This is why I keep a 24kg bell bedside, and prior to the engagement work in a set of ten, to get the pattern grooved, and to show off a little bit.

Purrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

The post 3 Ways Kettlebells Make You Better at Sex appeared first on Breaking Muscle.

Immediately this brings to mind my experience with the ketogenic diet.

Now, the difference between me doing the ketogenic diet and most others who say they have done the ketogenic diet is the plain fact that I actually did the ketogenic diet and did not just say I did it. This was a mistake. I would have been much better off just having said I did it and not done it at all.

However, the ketogenic diet, like swinging a dead rat around on a piece of string, teaches you something that can be learned no other way. In other words, a lesson learnable only by hard experience.

I don’t want to bounce around too much, but this reminds me of yet another account where I sacrificed health for fitness, or, in this instance, the exhibition thereof.

The scene of this tale is set in the Northeast – New York, to be exact – and amongst a crowd of tough and manly individuals, mostly flaccid – intellectually speaking – and up to no good. We got around to pressing kettlebells, and even managed to collect a small audience. This example is a classic one, and I am sure you are familiar with the turn out. I will add the preface, however, that to pass up the opportunity to out-press another fellow in the presence of spectators, well, it would be a downright betrayal of manhood.

I was disadvantaged from the start, as I was the lightest in the group and by a significant margin no less. But as I am only human, the attraction of competition was too much and overruled my sound and better judgment, foolishly assuming I had been in possession of any to begin with.

I took up my act and pressed the first bell. A mere peanut, really. Still, I looked around, to the left, and to the right, hoping to collect some applause. But it was a tough crowd. So I upped the stakes and got to stacking two bells for what was to be an enormous bent press.

For the first roughly fifty percent of the lift, the bells traveled a smooth and steady course. I even had, for a brief moment, the puerile notion that I might be successful and go home with a prize. But that notion fleeted as the cluster arrived at a standstill.

As I knew the conventional manner of lifting weight (which is to say, a sufficient amount of strength) had abandoned me, I then did what any male who is not in full possession of his intellectual facility might do in my situation, which was to contort my figure under the load and pray that I could somehow twist, bend, or warp myself into a position granting better leverage. This caused me to look like Quasimodo.

From there, I made a brief spectacle of myself, writhing and shaking violently under the weight in what to the untrained eye must have looked like a sort of deeply spiritual or perhaps even sexual ecstasy, that was, until my shoulder popped like a cork and I entered into a state of desperate, agonizing pain.

Luckily, I was in the presence of a horse doctor and he took to working on me at once. He prescribed a vat of Castrol Oil as to turn my pain into a case of wild hallucinations and provide for me, in his words, a “temporary imbecility.” I thought this practice was questionable at first and not very well thought out, but was pleased with the effects.

Needless to say, I no longer engage in these sorts of puerile activities, unless I am very sure that I can cheat and get away with it. No, now I value much more my health and am far less susceptible to dares, even those of the double and triple dog variety.

Fitness at the expense of health. I think this is a terrible, terrible thing.

In fact, just the other day I was reviewing a fellow’s fitness program and I noticed that it suffered from this very defect as he had in it some rather horrendously harmful recommendations on how to go about reducing body fat to a nearly imperceptible percentage. This is a shame, as it was the part of a major publication, and very many people are bound to take it very seriously.

As a matter of fact, it was one of those programs that produces nearly the same effects of ingesting Castrol Oil! I say “nearly” only because I still believe the Castrol Oil to be necessary for the hallucinations, but one could very well induce a “temporary imbecility” through the literature alone.

Perhaps you have detected some bitterness within me? It’s likely there. But I will leave that matter be, for now, and move on to what was supposed to be the point of this article.

But you will have to give me a minute, because we’ve wandered around for so long now, that I have forgotten where I placed it.

It has returned.

Guidelines – or Everything You Need to Know to Be Fit and Healthy

First, let me say that I pride myself in being a fitness blogger who writes only when he has some value to impart, and not only to satisfy my own ego, which is full already, or to release steam pressure from my spleen.

If you are unfamiliar with my philosophy, let me put you through a brief course. I am a minimalist, and my entire approach to health and fitness may be conveniently reduced to the following two statements:

1. Any fitness program will improve in direct ratio to the number of things you can keep out of it that needn’t be there.
2. A diet should contain no unnecessary meals; a meal no unnecessary foods.

Minimalism, by definition, is any design that employs the fewest possible components to produce the maximum result. Now, no learned and intelligent person would ever doubt – certainly not I – that any desirable level of health and fitness demands a significant and continuous application of effort. So to this end, I must be very clear that minimalism is not about doing very little; it’s about doing the very least.

That is, the minimalist seeks to purge all superfluities and to focus intently on the vital few efforts proven to produce the largest results.

Ah, the superfluous, what Voltaire called a very necessary thing.

Not here, my friend, not here.

A good exercise program is neat and orderly. A bad one is a teenager’s bedroom.

Enough! I now present to you the guidelines:

1. Train strength 4-5 days a week.
2. Train metabolic conditioning 1-2 times a week.
3. Practice movement, mobility, and correctives every day.
4. Walk briskly as much as humanly possible, preferably in a fasted state.
5. Eat a mostly boring and repetitious diet consisting of lean proteins, healthy fats, fibrous vegetables, and some fruit.
6. Eat the least amount of meals you need to eat and practice some form of intermittent fasting.
7. Meditate.

I speak in generalities, of course, which is sure to generate a few complaints. It never fails. So, to hedge against this, I will issue you the first phase of a program – and only the first phase of a program – free of charge.

But just a few notes, before I do:

1. This GPP (general physical preparedness) program is not personalized (I mean, how can it be?). So it may or may not suit your current goals or level of ability. Sorry, can’t please everyone.
2. If you want personalized program design and nutrition protocols, then you’ll have to join my online coaching program. It’s tough and it’s expensive, but I’ve heard it’s worth it.

I delay no longer.

Without any further ado, my friends, and in true minimalist fashion, I introduce to you…

The NO BS, Take No Prisoners, No Holds-Barred, Strength Boosting, Fat Blasting, Booty Shaking, Minimalist Strength Program FROM HELL(?)…NO(!), WORSE, WISCONSIN!

I did, in fact, write this program up in Wisconsin. But I don’t remember what I was doing there. Also, I offer you the added convenience of embedded video links for technical reference. If you are unsure of any movement, or any nuance of any movement, please voice this concern in the comment section.

Monday: Lower Body

• Practice set of Dan John’s Armor Building 20 minutes. Sets of 1. As many quality sets as possible. Heaviest set of bells you can muster.
• Bulgarian Split Squat x 5 sets x 5 reps (both legs). Use 7 rep max weight.
• (Kettlebell swing x 30 seconds + jump rump x 60 seconds + plank x 60 seconds) x 5 rounds. No rest.

Tuesday: Upper Body

• Practice Set of Muscle Ups. 20 minutes. Sets of 1. As many quality sets as possible.
• One Arm One Leg Push Ups (or appropriate variation) x 1,2,3,1,2,3
• Pull Ups x 5 sets x 5 reps (weight as needed). Use 7 rep max.
• Hanging Leg Raises x 3 x 6
• Windshield Wiper x 3 x 6

Wednesday: Metabolic Conditioning

• 15 minutes of sprints + 20 minutes of metabolic conditioning (you may wish to use my Kettlebell Workout of the Week video series for this)

Thursday: Lower Body

• Practice Set of deadlift (barbell). Sets of 1. As many quality sets as possible. Use 3-5 rep max.
• Single Leg Deadlift x 5 x 5 (both legs). Use 7 rep max.
• Hollow Position Drill x 60 seconds x 3 sets
• 4-Point Plank x 60 seconds x 3 sets

Friday

• Off

Saturday: Upper Body

• Same as Tuesday, plus 20 minutes of metabolic conditioning (optional)

Sunday

• Off

Program Guidelines

1. Follow unflaggingly and enthusiastically for ninety days.
2. Do not modify the weight or advance onto a more difficult movement variation until the end of ninety days.
3. Unless a specific rest period is given, follow the general rule of “rest as long as you need but as little as you have to” between sets.

Concluding Thoughts

I’ve grown tired of writing this piece – and it is almost time for my supper – so I’m going to sever it abruptly. I think this is for the best, as we’ve wandered around to many interesting places in this article, and lost ourselves a few times along the way, to be sure, but ultimately, we arrived where I believe we intended to, or at least in close enough proximity that we could walk the rest of the way.

If you have any questions about anything I have mentioned, or have failed to mention, please bring them to my attention in the comments section.

And if you enjoyed this article please share it with both of your friends.

Cordially,

Sincerely,

Warmly,

With Kind Regards,

And Arms Wide Open,

– Pat Flynn

The post The NO BS, No Holds-Barred, Minimalist Strength Program FROM HELL(?)…NO(!), WORSE, WISCONSIN! appeared first on Breaking Muscle.

I have this theory that any exercise program will improve in direct proportion to the number of things you can keep out of it that needn’t be there. That’s to say the secret to any good exercise program is simplicity. And so, these four weeks of workouts – which, I should mention, are dedicated in whole to getting you maximally lean and super muscly – will focus on one thing mostly, and that’s metabolic conditioning – specifically, metcon via kettlebell complex training.

These exercises are to be performed successively and uninterruptedly – that is, with little to no rest in between. And it is to this end that you can expect that each workout will be short, intense, and somewhat upsetting – like a proper licking from the old man’s belt.

And how are you to know when you’re done? How many licks does it take, you ask? Well, when you reach the point where you think you can’t possibly do another rep – wen you start to bellow the pathetic and unmanly yells of a flogged schoolboy – when you reach this point, well, I think that means that you are pretty much done.

To learn more about Pat’s approach to kettlebell complex training, read his article “How to Get Maximally Lean and Super Muscly with Pat Flynn.”

Week 4, Day 3: The Holy Fiver (Video Below)

What to do:

1 Round =

• Double Kettlebell Swing x 5
• Double Kettlebell Snatch x 5
• Double Kettlebell Clean and Press x 5
• Double Kettlebell Front Squat x 5
• Push Up x 5

Perform as many rounds as possible in twenty minutes
Recommended weight: 2 x 20-24kg for males and 2 x 12-26kg for females.

The post Strength & Conditioning – Pat Flynn: Week 4, Day 3 appeared first on Breaking Muscle.

I have this theory that any exercise program will improve in direct proportion to the number of things you can keep out of it that needn’t be there. That’s to say the secret to any good exercise program is simplicity. And so, these four weeks of workouts – which, I should mention, are dedicated in whole to getting you maximally lean and super muscly – will focus on one thing mostly, and that’s metabolic conditioning – specifically, metcon via kettlebell complex training.

These exercises are to be performed successively and uninterruptedly – that is, with little to no rest in between. And it is to this end that you can expect that each workout will be short, intense, and somewhat upsetting – like a proper licking from the old man’s belt.

And how are you to know when you’re done? How many licks does it take, you ask? Well, when you reach the point where you think you can’t possibly do another rep – wen you start to bellow the pathetic and unmanly yells of a flogged schoolboy – when you reach this point, well, I think that means that you are pretty much done.

To learn more about Pat’s approach to kettlebell complex training, read his article “How to Get Maximally Lean and Super Muscly with Pat Flynn.”

Week 4, Day 2: Godzilla! (See Video Below)

What to do:

1 Round =

Double Kettlebell Lunge x 5

Military Press (R+L) x 5

Perform as many rounds as possible in 20 minutes

Recommended weight: 2 x 16-24kg for males and 2 x 8-16kg for females

The post Strength & Conditioning – Pat Flynn: Week 4, Day 2 appeared first on Breaking Muscle.

I have this theory that any exercise program will improve in direct proportion to the number of things you can keep out of it that needn’t be there. That’s to say the secret to any good exercise program is simplicity. And so, these four weeks of workouts – which, I should mention, are dedicated in whole to getting you maximally lean and super muscly – will focus on one thing mostly, and that’s metabolic conditioning – specifically, metcon via kettlebell complex training.

These exercises are to be performed successively and uninterruptedly – that is, with little to no rest in between. And it is to this end that you can expect that each workout will be short, intense, and somewhat upsetting – like a proper licking from the old man’s belt.

And how are you to know when you’re done? How many licks does it take, you ask? Well, when you reach the point where you think you can’t possibly do another rep – wen you start to bellow the pathetic and unmanly yells of a flogged schoolboy – when you reach this point, well, I think that means that you are pretty much done.

To learn more about Pat’s approach to kettlebell complex training, read his article “How to Get Maximally Lean and Super Muscly with Pat Flynn.”

Week 4, Day 1: Racked and Loaded (Video Below)

What to do:

1 Round =

• 5 Double Kettlebell Military Press
• 30 second Overhead Hold
• 5 Double Kettlebell Front Squats
• 30 second Rack Hold

Perform as many rounds as possible in 20 minutes.

Recommended weight: 2 x 16-24kg for males and 2 x 8-16kg for females.

The post Strength & Conditioning – Pat Flynn: Week 4, Day 1 appeared first on Breaking Muscle.

I have this theory that any exercise program will improve in direct proportion to the number of things you can keep out of it that needn’t be there. That’s to say the secret to any good exercise program is simplicity. And so, these four weeks of workouts – which, I should mention, are dedicated in whole to getting you maximally lean and super muscly – will focus on one thing mostly, and that’s metabolic conditioning – specifically, metcon via kettlebell complex training.

These exercises are to be performed successively and uninterruptedly – that is, with little to no rest in between. And it is to this end that you can expect that each workout will be short, intense, and somewhat upsetting – like a proper licking from the old man’s belt.

And how are you to know when you’re done? How many licks does it take, you ask? Well, when you reach the point where you think you can’t possibly do another rep – wen you start to bellow the pathetic and unmanly yells of a flogged schoolboy – when you reach this point, well, I think that means that you are pretty much done.

To learn more about Pat’s approach to kettlebell complex training, read his article “How to Get Maximally Lean and Super Muscly with Pat Flynn.”

Week 3, Day 3: It’s Not a Thruster (Video Below)

What to do:

1 Round, alternating movements=

Double Kettlebell Front Squat x 10 reps

Overhead Press x 10 reps

Perform as many rounds as possible in 20 minutes.

Recommended weight: 2 x 16-24kg for males and 2 x 8-16kg for females

The post Strength & Conditioning – Pat Flynn: Week 3, Day 3 appeared first on Breaking Muscle.

I have this theory that any exercise program will improve in direct proportion to the number of things you can keep out of it that needn’t be there. That’s to say the secret to any good exercise program is simplicity. And so, these four weeks of workouts – which, I should mention, are dedicated in whole to getting you maximally lean and super muscly – will focus on one thing mostly, and that’s metabolic conditioning – specifically, metcon via kettlebell complex training.

These exercises are to be performed successively and uninterruptedly – that is, with little to no rest in between. And it is to this end that you can expect that each workout will be short, intense, and somewhat upsetting – like a proper licking from the old man’s belt.

And how are you to know when you’re done? How many licks does it take, you ask? Well, when you reach the point where you think you can’t possibly do another rep – wen you start to bellow the pathetic and unmanly yells of a flogged schoolboy – when you reach this point, well, I think that means that you are pretty much done.

To learn more about Pat’s approach to kettlebell complex training, read his article “How to Get Maximally Lean and Super Muscly with Pat Flynn.”

Week 3, Day 2: The Pressing Get Up (Video Below)

If there is any sort of back off workout throughout these four weeks, then this is it. Go lighter with this, especially if your get up is relatively unpracticed. If something doesn’t feel right, please abandon the press at any or all stages and proceed on with conventional get ups.

What to do:

Simply practice pressing at each stage of the Turkish Get up for fifteen minutes. Switch sides each set and rest as much as you need between sets.

Recommended weight: 16-20kg for males and 8-12kg for females.

The post Strength & Conditioning – Pat Flynn: Week 3, Day 2 appeared first on Breaking Muscle.