How Do You See Your Body?

We have been conditioned from a young age to believe that if our body is attractive, we’ll be able to meet a better partner, obtain a better job, and have more fun and friends. It’s pretty clear when you look around (especially in the media) that there is a correlation between appearance and popularity or fulfillment in life. This is one of the main drivers behind why people want to change their appearance.

When I ask my clients why they want to change their bodies, they always say, “to be more confident,” “to feel sexier,” or “to be able to wear a bikini.” The reality is that you can have those things now. In the body you have today. But, you need to do more than try to “love your body” or come to terms with your ‘flaws’ to do that.

The body acceptance movement does a great job of showing women of all different shapes and sizes being confident. However, it can be impossible to embrace and force this upon yourself if you really don’t like your body. That is because you can’t love your body if you only see your body as the limiting factor.

It’s Actually Not About Your Body

Our culture has melded together our body-esteem and our self-esteem, when in fact they are two distinct things. Your body-esteem only represents a small percentage of your self-esteem, however we seem to have wrapped them up into one. The way we feel about ourselves is tied to the way we feel about our body.

But, more often than not, when we are feeling dislike for a particular area of our body, we are actually experiencing some other kind of issue that we are channeling onto our body. Things such as stress, shame, guilt, fear, anger, insecurity and any other emotion or self-deprecating thought all manifest into us hating our bodies, when in fact they have nothing to do with our body.

When you feel bad about your body, this is a side effect of something else going on. It’s actually not about your body. This is why focusing on “loving your body” in the absence of seeing the bigger picture is not effective.

Look For the Core Issues

We deflect other issues onto our body because it’s an easy target on which to place blame. It is something that we can fix. It’s much easier to cut back on carbs and calories or get your hair done than address self-esteem issues, relationship or career troubles, and generally difficult emotions. However, if you neglect to see this distinction and ignore the core issues, you will never be able to truly love your body. You will be treating the symptom and not the root cause.

This is why it is so common for people to lose weight or change the way their body looks, but still end up hating it. Even though their body gets to where they want it to be, they still don’t like themselves because they neglected to put any effort into fostering self-compassion and esteem.

I tell women that having a fat day is a gift because it’s your own internal signal that something else needs to be addressed that goes beyond your body. If we keep telling women to simply love their body, we are keeping the focus on the body as opposed to seeing the broader issues at hand. Part of making this distinction is tagging and decoding the moments when you feel bad about your appearance, so you can start to see where the real feelings are coming from.

As soon as I was able to make this distinction, I was able to see that the negative feelings I had about my body were rooted in other issues. My own drive for perfection and fear of judgment lead me to feel shame or guilt. I also put pressures on myself that made my life feel chaotic. This manifested in negative feelings for my body because this was something I could actually control and solve. However, my attempts to love my body were always met with more dislike.

When I finally saw my bad body days for what they were, I stopped caring about whether I had a muffin top or not and recognized the real issues at hand. This was when I could finally break free of my negative body talk. That is integral to actually loving your body.

Push Out of Your Comfort Zone

If you are struggling to love your body, then look beyond coming to terms with your cellulite and work on the bigger picture. The first step is awareness of the separation between body-esteem and self-esteem and making an effort to decode your feelings about your body. Use these feelings as an opportunity to investigate what other areas of your life need attention. Take a look at what events have happened recently or are about to happen. When you can see the true source of your negative body feelings, then you can begin to foster compassion, forgiveness, and change in these areas of your life.

It’s important to note that the goal is not to fix the source of your negativity. Rather, it’s about bringing attention to it, letting go of perfection in all aspects of your life, and having empathy for yourself.

On top of that, you can work on improving your confidence by letting go of any limitations you have set for yourself because of your body. Push yourself outside of your comfort zone and do the things you have been putting off because you don’t feel good in your body.

What have you been avoiding? Having sex with the lights on? Setting up your yoga mat at the front of the class? Speaking up at a meeting? I challenge you do these things now. This builds confidence and helps you to see that the feelings you have for your body are not a limitation.

Once you start to work on feeling confident and building self-esteem in the body you have now, while having compassion and empathy for the things that you cannot control, positive feelings for your body will come much more easily. Then you will truly be able to love your body.

Photoscourtesy ofShutterstock.

The post Why Loving Your Body Is Not Enough appeared first on Breaking Muscle.

The issue begins when people set their sights on achieving a preconceived notion of perfection that usually equates to being super lean and having zero cellulite, eight-visible abs, and a gap between their thighs. Let’s be honest – how often have you said to yourself, “I hate my *insert body part here*” or “I want to get rid of the fat on my *insert small part of body here*?” It never ceases to amaze me how many women (and men) harbor so much hatred for their bodies.

With the media constantly bombarding us with images of genetic mutants who appear perfect, it is no surprise we are seeing more and more of this obsession with the perfect physique. And it is not just Hollywood perpetuating this. We now see this within the fitness community too, with rock-solid CrossFit bodies being featured everywhere. As Tina Fey so eloquently put in her book Bossypants: “Now every girl is expected to have: Caucasian blue eyes, full Spanish lips, a classic button nose, hairless Asian skin with a California tan, a Jamaican dance hall ass, long Swedish legs, small Japanese feet, the abs of a lesbian gym owner, the hips of a nine-year-old boy, the arms of Michelle Obama and doll tits.” Our ideals have become out of control.

People assume if you have the perfect diet, training program, get eight or nine hours of sleep every night, and have zero stress (lucky you!), that you will automatically be able to achieve the body worthy of a “fitspiration” ad. I am sorry to tell you this is not everyone’s destiny and these unrealistic expectations are likely holding you back from being the best and healthiest version of yourself.

Holding onto unrealistic body composition goals may actually be hindering your progress because they are a stressor on your body and can disrupt levels of cortisol, the stress hormone, which can wreak havoc on your health. This can manifest into various behaviors such as micromanaging your food and supplement intake (“maybe I just need to eat more kelp?”), becoming guilt-ridden if you miss a workout, and being obsessed with measures such as body fat percentage and weight. These habits put a mental strain on your body and leave you in a stressed and saddened state. They can also push you towards disordered habits such as overtraining and under eating, further adding stress to the body. In the end, you are doing more damage than good. Accepting yourself by letting go of unrealistic expectations and preconceived notions about what your ‘ideal’ body should be are often the missing link to achieving optimal health – and sanity.

Women especially need to realize there are many factors that come into play when we talk about body composition. Of course things like diet, exercise, sleep, and stress management play an important role, and there are people who naturally achieve a ‘perfect’ physique by optimizing these factors. But, this is only in a small percentage of the population. Things you cannot control like genetics, lifestyle history, and age will also dictate what your best body will look like. You may never be able to get your body fat below a certain level because this is the way you were meant to be. We are all built to look different – we are not Labrador Retrievers meant to look identical to one another. We are supposed to be unique and this is what makes us beautiful. Lastly, healthy women are meant to carry some additional body fat because we are programmed to be fertile and in order to be fertile, we need some additional fat mass, especially in the buttocks and hip area – which is sexy!

This is not to say you cannot change your body composition. Rather, you need to set realistic expectations for yourself and what your body is capable of within the structure of a healthy lifestyle. Rather than trying to fit into a cookie-cutter appearance, start working towards being the healthiest version of yourself.

Here are some ways to free yourself of this epidemic and start living your life with acceptance and compassion:

• Ditch any goal that includes a number (weight, dress size, body fat – it’s a good idea to destroy your scale), looking a certain way, or improving a certain body part. Rather, set goals around your performance, being consistent with your eating habits, getting sleep, and enjoying life. If you are working towards these goals, your body will naturally fall into its healthiest appearance.
• Make love to yourself. Spend five minutes every day looking at yourself in the mirror and telling yourself you are beautiful. If you have a body part you really dislike, start telling yourself how gorgeous it is (for example, “My thighs are slammin’”). Research has shown positive affirmations can reprogram your thought processes.
• Keep a gratitude journal. Often when you take the time to appreciate what you have in your life, you are less likely to pour the hatorade on yourself.
• Write down your negative thoughts, analyze them, and put a positive spin on them. Often when you see your thoughts on paper, you realize how inconsequential they are and are able to turn them into something positive.
• Loosen up! If you miss the gym one day or eat some cake, acknowledge that it is okay and likely a healthy disruption in your routine.
• In the social media world, un-follow anyone who posts ‘fitspiration’ pictures. Also anyone posting photos of their abs, the number of calories they ate that day, anyone who uses hashtag #lean and people who post pictures of their scale.

Now. Go. Work it! Own the body you have and rock it like the gift it is meant to be. Buy clothes that make you feel sexy and don’t stress about what size they are. Let’s break free of this epidemic and start living a life with complete acceptance for our unique selves.

Photos courtesy of Shutterstock.

The post The Missing Link in Your Health: Accepting Yourself appeared first on Breaking Muscle.