As I sit here writing in this cold, empty bathtub, listening to my thoughts echo off the smooth white porcelain cocoon I have built, I am reminded of warm memories from my childhood home. It was a place where my only responsibilities were to create mud holes, burn anything I could find with a magnifying glass, and take care of my butterfly who couldn’t fly.

You see, I was the one who robbed my beautiful friend of the gift of flight and was now his sworn protector. A few weeks earlier, I was outside patrolling our vegetable garden for unwanted pests when I happened across a fuzzy caterpillar.

He was chewing away on a particularly juicy tomato leaf and I was thrilled to have caught the perpetrator in action. I quickly swooped him out of our vegetable garden, imprisoned him in a large jar, and furnished his glass cell with sticks for bedding and leaves for food

Every day I checked on him to make sure he wasn’t causing any trouble and every day he kept comping away at the food I would give him. One day, the caterpillar stops eating, hangs upside down from a twig I had provided and spins himself in to a shiny chrysalis. Within its protective casing, the caterpillar radically transforms its body, eventually emerging as a butterfly.

But what does that radical transformation involve? How does a caterpillar rearrange itself into a butterfly and how long do I have to wait?

I waited for a full week, which felt like a lifetime, until I could see the tiniest of movements and it looked as if he was struggling to break free. Ignorant and impatient, I cut a small hole in his temporary tomb and he promptly emerged.

No longer a threat to our family vegetable garden, I hurried him outside so he could fly off into the sunset. I placed him on a flower so he could use it as a launching pad, and nothing happened. What was going on? What was stopping my former inmate from taking off?

I rushed back into the house so my boss could help me solve this problem. I explained what had happened to my mom and she gave me a soft smile as if to say, “It’s going to be ok.”

She explained that the hole I had cut, which was intended to help the butterfly, was the reason the butterfly was grounded. Your struggle develops your strengths and the butterfly hadn’t been allowed to fight and develop the strength in his wings.

Self-isolation may be the model for fuzzy caterpillars but we are much more accustomed to social interaction.

Things that we have taken for granted and have considered as constants in our lives like dining at restaurants, going to the gym, and sporting events have become uncertain and the indefinite amount of time we are to stay at home looms larger each day as we become more anxious to shake the ambiguity of our situations.

One of the hardest things for us to do is to change our patterns because we thrive on structure and consistency. It doesn’t even matter how crazy that semblance of structure and consistency might actually be.

Nature is reminding us that nothing is permanent, and everything must change, and denial of this truth causes us to become victims of our own device.

Breaking our patterns can become the necessary driver that we need for our lives to evolve and realize a fuller evolution of ourselves. Remember, as the caterpillar sleeps inside the cocoon, eventually he must be set free.

Find Your Temporary Normal

Consistently performing our normal daily routine may have been difficult at times but implementing a brand-new forced routine is another. In order for a caterpillar to morph into a beautiful butterfly, the first thing he does after building his cocoon is digest himself and almost literally become a caterpillar soup.

This process isn’t highly recommended by most doctors so it may be better to listen to Aristotle when he said, “We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then is not an act, but a habit.”

Performed effectively, a routine can be a finely calibrated mechanism for taking advantage of a range of limited resources such as time, willpower, self-discipline, and optimism. A solid routine fosters a well-worn groove for one’s mental energies and regulates our ever-changing moods.

Staying at home is the temporary normal due to the current pandemic, therefore developing a healthy schedule and assessing your energy levels is critical. Every part of your body, including your immune system, functions better when protected from environmental assaults and bolstered by healthy-living strategies.

Diet, exercise, and mitigating stress are three of the most effective ways to accomplish this task and will enable you to wake up passionately and with excitement about the opportunities that the day offers.

Since our immune systems are a complete system and not just a single entity, harmony and balance of that system is important. With so many moving parts to our immune system, regular nourishment provides our bodies with a fighting chance to fend off outside invaders.

Scientists have long recognized that people who are malnourished are more vulnerable to infectious diseases due to various micronutrient deficiencies. For example, deficiencies of zinc, selenium, iron, copper, folic acid, and vitamins A, B6, C, and E have been shown to negatively alter immune system response.

Since we are limited on how we can gather our food, we need to make sure we are eating some of the most nutrient dense foods available. These include salmon, kale, garlic, potatoes, blueberries, egg yolks, and dark chocolate.

If you aren’t used to consuming some of these items, Project 13 Gyms based out of San Francisco, hosts digital supper clubs where you can join a large group of people learning how to cook healthy and delicious meals from a professional chef.

Not only does Project 13 provide nutritional courses, co-owners/coaches Nate Chambers and Thomas Conway provide virtual classes that focus on building better humans through fitness, mindset, and community.

Make Exercise A Constant

There are few things more transformative than exercise. It improves cardiovascular health, lowers blood pressure, helps control body weight, and protects against a variety of diseases.

If you choose to exercise in the morning, it prepares you for the coming day, increases your overall energy levels, and helps you remain in optimal health. Numerous studies have shown that exercise is key in fighting depression and anxiety. A Finnish study suggested that exercise is even correlated with increased wealth.

Just like a healthy diet, exercise can contribute to general good health and therefore to a healthy immune system. Implementing a daily exercise routine will prepare you for maximum success throughout the day and right now, there are plenty of great options to choose from.

A Krav Maga and Muy Thai gym based out of San Luis Obispo California, Budo Ryu, is offering a fun way to learn how to protect yourself and get in shape through their virtual class room. Budo Ryu Owner & Founder, Eric Sandahl, is one of the best Muy Thai and Krav coaches in the country and his programs are finely tuned to produce the best results for you.

Another great option is G-Fit, a kettlebell studio founded by coach Gianna Bandoni who has a well-founded understanding of the anatomical, physiological, biomechanical, biochemical, and psychological aspects of the human experience. Her workouts will educate, encourage, and empower you to discover a well-balanced and healthy body.

Find A Balanced Schedule

Although you may feel like your home is your own personal cocoon and your routine and expectations might not fit in nearly as perfect as you expected, it is okay.

Remember, like the caterpillar inside his cocoon, you too will eventually be set free. Be able to recognize when you are the most and least productive and then schedule your days around your most productive times.

Your daily schedule may be fairly fluid due to your current commitments but that will allow more for more variety in your routine. Make use of the productive times and support small businesses like Project 13, Budo Ryu, and G-Fit, that had to close their doors to keep the community safe.

Not only will you learn a new skill, you will be of service to your community by allowing those businesses to reopen their doors when this pandemic subsides. We are stronger together than we are alone so back a community where you can share, help, and support the people you care about.

The post Lockdown Is Temporary, Community Is Forever appeared first on Breaking Muscle.

What if living life made you healthy? Just imagine a world where everyday life pulled you and your closest friends towards frequent physical activity. You’d run, jump, swim, climb, push, and pull without having to plan time and without ever feeling compelled to track how many calories you were burning.

This is how it has been for most of human history and not just because there wasn’t a McDonalds on every corner or Pop Tarts in every home. In a world where screens weren’t in our pocket and on our walls, where threats weren’t policed by professionals, and where food wasn’t bought in grocery stores, humans bonded together to fill all their needs for protection, food, and even entertainment.

Today, rather than uniting to physically ensure our own survival, we are able to sit safely inside our comfortable homes, drive to our air-conditioned jobs, and complete a days work without having to stand up or, often, even talk to anyone if we don’t want to.

As an introvert, I often relish these days of isolated hyper-productivity. But of course, these are only enjoyable because they offer such stark contrast from my normal world and because I know I’ll be able to come home to a loving family. Even among the most introverted humans, there is a deep need for connection.

An abundance of comfort, convenience, and junk food, along with the absence of any need to ensure our own survival has been devastating to our collective physical health. Global obesity now kills more people than car crashes and most other things we spend our time fearing. Yet the physical costs don’t fully capture the extent of our modern crisis.

Our safe, highly efficient world encourages populations to become isolated and deeply self-serving. We have no idea where all the things we rely on come from and no cause demanding that we bind together behind a common mission. Immersed in entertainment and lacking a community purpose, mental health has grown consistently worse. Today, suicide, drug overdoses, and school shootings are all at peaks never seen before in recorded history.

Despite our comfort and staggeringly high standard of living, our bodies and minds are dying rapidly. We have more, but we are not more. While it is wonderful that billions can go to sleep without worrying if physical violence, hunger, or the elements will end them soon, there are also costs that traditional education has somehow neglected to illuminate us about.

Few understand the environment their biology expected and the human needs that evolved from that environment. When we don’t have to collectively invest in our own survival we tend to wither away physically and emotionally.

Despite technological improvements, societies usually filled this contribution void because they still depended on the efforts of all people to meet its needs—whether in the form of wars, food production, or a town’s local tradesman—people felt a sense of duty and bonded together behind mutual values.

The society demanded their competency and, though this required hard physical work, they were better for having a reason to contribute. For a variety of reasons, from a changing legal mindset to a burgeoning entertainment/advertising industry, this narrative of mutual values and mutual dependency has eroded quickly in the last 50 years.

The Death of Youth Sports

Consider the modern youth sports climate. Athletics have always been the grand microcosm of life, teaching the hard lessons while implanting our most cherished values like courage, toughness, sacrifice, and discipline.

We all recognized that this feature, along with physical literacy and appreciation for exercise, was their most significant purpose of youth sports. Everyone understood that sacrifice was required and welcomed the inevitable lessons.

You may be the team’s best shortstop, your preferred position, but if you are also the team’s best option at catcher and the second option at shortstop is better than the second option at catcher, you’ll be behind home plate. Team first was more than just simple rhetoric.

Similarly, we understood how the more talented player didn’t always improve the team most. 1+1+3 could be five, but it could also be four or six, depending on the character of the athlete and what they brought out in their teammates. We learned how to win and lose gracefully and accepted that if we didn’t like an outcome, be it playing performance or playing time, the burden of responsibility would lie on us to put forth greater effort.

Parents today are more likely to disregard the lessons of sports in pursuit of its glorious outcomes, most notably, the vaunted college scholarship. The youth sports culture is now characterized by four-hour banquets, participation trophies, illogically large all-conference teams, personal gurus, weekly recruiting showcases across the country, and the headlong quest for self-promotion.

Coaches spend hours meeting bereaved parents that have convinced themselves that their child’s lack of playing time, recruiting attention, selection for the varsity, or solidarity with teammates must indicate an epic injustice. Community teams have lost their appeal, traded in for the ever-abundant supply of “elite” select teams eager to sell themselves to parents as the best route for their child’s self-promotion.

When they don’t meet a parent’s delusional expectations, the parents will simply choose a new team that is eager to get in and make a sale. It is not uncommon for high-school athletes to move towns or jump from public to private school, and vice-versa, driven only by the headlong quest for individual sports glory.

Sports were once raw and honest. In a very real sense, they mimicked the conditions of our primal heritage. Today we’ve bastardized our sports leagues to fit our own images. Ironically, these efforts to stoke a generation’s self-esteem, shower them with adoration, and indoctrinate them in self-promotion have only hurt our youth’s physical and emotional health. In training a generation to be narcissists, we embed all the pathologies of narcissism.

Youth sports participation is way down, as parents simply opt out of the madness. Many miss out on the community, the physical activity, and the discipline because parents have, understandably, determined that avoiding the maze of money, time, and self-promotion is the healthier decision.

This same formula now plays out in every arena of life as our communities increasingly become collections of overwhelmed people rushing through their increasingly busy, distracted lives. Social media and smartphones only fan the flames as immense social pressure pulls people to curate their life highlight reels. Today, most people spend the majority of their waking hours looking at a screen.

There are bright spots, notably within the fitness industry. The CrossFit model has been unbelievably successful, largely because of its honest personality and knack for community building.

They are who they are and they know if you commit, you’ll find a supportive group bonded through common experience and who even shares a long list of shared rites of passage. Outside of CrossFit, many other boutique style gyms, like Sean Griffin’s Chicago Primal, offer a similarly impressive community experience.

Communities must be bonded by more than location and legal code. We need shared values that tend to be fostered through shared experience and a shared sense of duty. It is wonderful that we have rights, but rights inherently come with responsibility. It is the absence of a sense of duty and the absence of shared work that breeds our fractured communities.

Leave It Better Than Before

I bike as my primary means of transportation. Every day on my five-mile commute to work, I pass boatloads of discarded trash—fast food bags, cups, beer cans, boxes, discarded stuffed animals, you name it. As a rule, I pick up trash when I see it, but I’ve made peace with the fact that this twenty-minute ride would probably eclipse an hour if I stopped for every piece of litter. It is time I did something.

We will be more fulfilled if we get out and nature and move on behalf of a good cause. In fact, we’ll be much healthier. Dan Buettner’s phenomenal book, Blue Zones, has found that the communities around the globe where people live longest follow similar patterns.

“The world’s longest-lived people don’t pump iron, run marathons, or join gyms. Instead, they live in environments that constantly nudge them into moving without thinking about it. They grow gardens and don’t have mechanical conveniences for house and yard work.”

Dan Buettner

My hunch is that these communities also don’t have much litter. They put shopping carts up, walk to find a trash can, and whenever they see it, they pick litter up. People need more physical movement, more time in nature, and more connection. Picking up litter is an obvious, easy place to start.

The Leave It Better Campaign

This coming Independence Day Weekend, Inspired Human Development (IHD) will be organizing a Leave it Better campaign. It is simple. Our lives should leave the world a better place. That ethos will make us happier.

On July 5th, I’ll be organizing a litter pick-up in Mansfield, Texas. We’ll meet at 8 am at 3001 E. Broad Street, Mansfield, TX 76063. I’ll have a few previously selected places of emphasis to choose from and we will set out to walk them and eliminate any litter.

The litter clean-up will take no more than an hour and then anyone who likes is welcome to return to the park at 9:30 am for an hour of games. We’ll work together and then play together.

My partner Justin Lind, will organize a similar event in Telluride, Colorado for Saturday, July 6th. If you cannot make it to either of these places I would love for you to do something similar in your local community. There is no barrier to entry and no money is required.

People just have to show up with water and trash bags and invest themselves on behalf of a shared cause. Your physical presence and effort make your part of something bigger than yourself and that is an essential human need.

The post How to Put Your Body to Use for a Good Cause appeared first on Breaking Muscle.

Photo by Bev Childress

No shortage of fitness and nutrition advice circulates today. Nearly everywhere you look, there is a new diet or revolutionary new fitness regime. Claims abound about foods that annihilate fat like heat-seeking missiles and secret ten-second exercises that increase your metabolism by over 300% (this outlandish claim is actually selling programs).

Everyone seeks that effortless solution to shred fat but allow them to eat whatever they want. There is a reason the term “fitness fad” has come into vogue. These flashy gimmicks come and go as they prove themselves unsustainable, ineffective, or just bizarre (did we really expect the Shake Weight to be the answer?).

Even the scientific community sometimes feels confusion. A recent study about the breakthrough research behind “energy flux” found that the body’s energy demand (read calories burned) remains practically equal regardless of how much we move.¹

Those who sit and eat all day process about the same daily calories as someone exercising like mad, except that they store those calories as fat rather than using them. It also appears that some may benefit from the “energy flux loophole” whereby more exercise and more food increases their metabolism, making them leaner. More research is needed in this area. This study, by the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition, only measured teens, an age demographic that can experience radical shifts in metabolism.

Start with What You’ll Do

This might be confusing and leave us unsure of the implications. As interesting as the energy flux concept is, it does not yet prove anything new. Nutrition matters more than exercise for weight loss. Yet, even if weight loss was only affected by nutrition, exercise is still essential to long-term physical and mental health.

The take-home message is, and has always been, to create lifestyle habits that promote long-term health. Counting calories proves ineffective, particularly when we consider how nutrient-deficient many low-calorie foods can be, and our tendency to quit counting as motivation wanes and life grows hectic. Rather than pretending to have a clue about our basal metabolic rate, we simply need to find healthy foods that we like to substitute for poorer choices. Similarly, while different exercise methods might suit our individual needs, it is most important to move more and sit less. Sure, a balance of strength, cardio, flexibility, and stability is ideal, but in nutrition and exercise, just start with what you’ll do.

So, What Will You Do?

If you are short on time and equipment, there is a workout plan for that. If you prefer to exercise outside, or with a lot of variety, or with heavy weights, or with lots of stretching, or with games, or with anything else, there are plans for those too. Most likely, however, you prefer to work out and eat with friends.

Breaking Muscle’s own Pete Hitzeman accurately pinpointed the only variable that matters for training, nutrition, and any goal: consistency, or what you do for the long haul. However, there is often more to being consistent. We all have the power to change, but willpower alone simply does not prove an effective strategy for most.

Community: The Real X-Factor

A drive for community is at the root of most of our actions. As paradoxical as it sounds, community is the key to creating individual health changes. We are social creatures that adopt the patterns of our environment. Regardless of your goals, the answer is simple: for long-term success, create community around your health and fitness.

Author Neil Strauss explains what finding a healthy community has meant for him personally:

Before, I’d go to the gym to achieve a certain weight or muscle goal, and I never stuck with it. Now I show up to see my friends, and we always exercise outdoors: at the beach, in a pool, on a lawn… It’s the highlight of the day. I have no outcome I want from it, and I’ve never been in better shape in my life. It helped me realize that the secret to change and growth is not willpower, but positive community.

Strauss does not say anything groundbreaking yet he profoundly articulates the solution to our poor health epidemic. Lack of community and connection drives poor mental health. Healthy communities most influence the actions necessary for physical health. Nothing we do for ourselves is more important than creating communities of people who earnestly share a desire to realize health and balance.

Community is not only the most sustainable path, but it is a necessity for health. Psychologist Julianne Holt-Lunstad found social connection to correlate to a 50 percent reduction in the risk for early death. She concludes that, in regards to health toll, chronic loneliness is comparable to smoking 15 cigarettes a day.² As we all know, social media and growing populations do not alleviate loneliness. Social bonds rely on physical presence, experience, and authenticity.

Creating Your Own Healthy Communities

Adult community and connection are the struggles of our time. As one client recently asked me, “How the heck to do you make friends now?” We go to school with similarly-aged, like-minded peers, only to move on to the land of cubicles. We enter the “real world” and are met with social alienation. No one invites us to play racquetball. There are no intramural sports and no readily apparent hiking clubs.

We need connection and will find it one way or another. Many fill the void with drinking buddies. Adult softball leagues become the only exercise many people get, as they drink beer and laugh about how far their bodies have slipped. Community, however rare, becomes centered around the new realities of lethargy and immobility, as many social forces seem intent to dissuade health.

The answer is you, the individual. Take steps to find the fitness community that you know you need. Start a group or try out something new. Maybe there is an awesome kettlebell gym or Brazilian Jiu Jitsu studio in town. For physical and mental health, social connection is the answer.

This can be scary. Daniel Coyle’s phenomenal new book, The Culture Code shows that deeper connection requires vulnerability. We have to risk failing and being “the new person.” We have to risk rejection or feeling awkward in a new group. Health happens when you roll the dice and live. With a little grit, we can all create the physically and socially nourishing communities we need to thrive.

References:

1. David John Hume, Sonja Yokum, Eric Stice; Low energy intake plus low energy expenditure (low energy flux), not energy surfeit, predicts future body fat gain, The American Journal of Clinical Nutrition, Volume 103, Issue 6, 1 June 2016, Pages 1389-1396

2. Holt-Lunstad J, Smith TB, Layton JB (2010) Social Relationships and Mortality Risk: A Meta-analytic Review. PLoS Med 7(7): e1000316

The post Community: The Real Fitness X-Factor appeared first on Breaking Muscle.

Every gym, fitness, studio, and CrossFit box has a unique set of values and beliefs. What most gym owners won’t tell you too often is that they need you. They need you for more reasons than just your monthly membership.

Photo: Precision CrossFit

Every gym, fitness, studio, and CrossFit box has a unique set of values and beliefs. What most gym owners won’t tell you too often is that they need you. They need you for more reasons than just your monthly membership.

An awesome community can be a haven for so many other mental struggles that society brings us daily. A positive gym environment is often taken for granted. What can you do to give back to your gym?

1. Be Your Best Self

There is nothing better than walking into a gym after a long day of work than to see your fellow sweat buddies with a smile on their faces. Fitness enthusiasts are attracted to positivity and energy and gym owners thrive on positive members.

Be kind and cheer others on as they struggle through a big set of thrusters or introduce yourself if it’s someone’s first time in the gym. Shake hands with the new guy and introduce yourself.

Smile at your gym mates. Members are attracted to the environment, not just the tough workout. It’s your community and your space so, make it the kind of place that you would want to experience the first time you walk in.

2. Volunteer

Gym owners don’t like to admit they need volunteers because you are a paying member but think of it as participating in the well being of your environment.

Unfortunately, community gyms have big overhead and low margins – that’s not much of a shocker. Any time you can volunteer the coaches will appreciate your efforts.

Also, all local competitions need volunteers. You make the difference to the success of these events. Sure, there is nothing coaches love more than to have their members wear gym swag while volunteering at a local competition.

But, ultimately, it is about making competitions welcoming for everyone. Competition is adversarial, but not everyone wants to get into that battle. Everyone should enjoy it, though.

3. Don’t Coach the Newbie

Volunteering to help coach is different than coaching.

Unless you’re a seasoned vet who’s now a gym class hero, step away from Linda who needs to get strict pull ups before you teach her your secret kip. You mean well, but leave that to the coaches.

You can be supportive and encouraging, but everyone needs different motivation in the gym environment. You want to give people the right amount of space.

4. Leverage Your Network

Many members are business people and have their own network. There is nothing more helpful to a coach than a member who can help them on the business side.

Think of it as helping your community thrive. The margin for error in the gym business is pretty important. Don’t be shy about referring people to your community gym and offering business advice and help.

A great coach is not necessarily a great sales person or business person. They may not ask for your referrals and your help in getting their projects off the ground, but that doesn’t mean they don’t need the help.

5. Leverage Your Expertise

If you’re one of those people who has a part athletic experience and it can be a huge add on to a gym, think about what that could mean.

Some members have endurance backgrounds and some weightlifting experience. Whatever it is, talk to the owner about adding a class that you can teach if you feel you have the expertise.

Gym owners love it when members can take a small group to a pool and teach swimming on a Sunday morning.

They may even knock off some membership dues. Be a part of encouraging participation in any way that you can.

Put It All Together

The best gyms are built through positive members who put their gym’s success up with their own.

We can all add value to the places we frequent most. The fittest people I know are all givers and have a personal awareness of how they can help the others around them.

Follow these five principles and don’t be afraid to help.

The post 5 Ways You Can Help Your Gym Community appeared first on Breaking Muscle.

The trip was sponsored by Natural Habitats, an organization that provides education and support to the community. We went to Ecuador to learn about organic and sustainable red palm farming. Many people in the paleo and conscious living world cannot tolerate coconut oil, so red palm is a healthy alternative.

Here I am (center) experiencing the natural beauty in Ecuador with my travel companions.

Community in the Kitchen

Community is the glue that holds it all together, both in the gym and in the kitchen. For example, in Ecuador the simple act of preparing food is a community event at each meal. Seeing the men and women work side by side in the kitchen was so refreshing. Regardless of where you live, clean eating presents an opportunity to make meal time community time. Gather the clan and work together making meals. This type of ownership produces universal outcomes of better health, digestion, and wellness.

The power of community I witnessed in Ecuador is no different than the community support needed to maintain a healthy and fit body. It is the backbone of gyms, boxes, and sports teams. Seldom, if ever, are athletes completely self-motivated. Rather, a community of individuals works together to train and produce the desired outcome. This core foundation translated perfectly into the support of organic sustainable farms I saw in Ecuador.

Going on this trip confirmed my belief in the power of community for achieving a desired outcome. Organic and sustainable farming practices are not the cultural norm, and it takes a committed community to buck the standards of practice and be successful. The success of the red palm industry in Ecuador is fostered by working in harmony with the power of Mother Nature, and it’s all led by the heart of the Ecuadorian men and women.

Left: raw red palm kernel; Right: red palm plant.

Red Palm: An Alternative to Coconut Oil

Red palm is a beautiful plant that offers delicious oil for medium-heat cooking. It’s also a tasty alternative to coconut oil. The fruit is delicious right from the tree, and the oil offers a distinct flavor that jazzes any meal up. Red palm oil is considered a superfood due to its high levels of vitamin A, vitamin D, beta-keratin, and antioxidants.

When cooking as a community, nothing is simpler than chopping a lot of veggies and throwing them into a cast iron pan to sauté. Adding red palm oil to the mix offers a slightly nutty flavor that is distinctive and delicious. With the protein of your choice and a side salad, this is a delicious, easy, conscious-living meal the whole family can create in no time.

Quick Cast Iron Chicken and Veggie Sauté

Ingredients:

• 2 organic leeks, cut
• 2 medium onions, chopped
• 1 bunch organic broccoli rabe, chopped
• 2 organic grass-fed boneless chicken breasts, cut into strips
• 4 Tablespoons organic red palm oil
• Extra virgin olive oil
• Pink Himalayan sea salt and ground black pepper
• Organic wild arugula

Method:

1. Heat the palm oil over medium heat and add all veggies to the pan.
2. Cover with lid for about 10 minutes, then turn. Repeat this step.
3. Add chicken and cover for 5 minutes, then turn. Repeat this step.
4. Remove lid. Add pink Himalayan sea salt and fresh ground pepper to taste and mix.
5. Cook for another 5 minutes. Serve with a bunch of arugula covered in olive oil and salt. Enjoy.

You’ll Also Enjoy:

• Veggies Aren’t Boring, Your Cooking Is: Simple Skills +5 Recipes
• Community-Based Fitness: Turning the Tide Toward Health
• Foraging, Farming, and the Real Meaning of Paleo
• What’s New on Breaking Muscle Today

Photos courtesy of V. Capaldi.

The post Community Drives Success: In the Gym and the Kitchen appeared first on Breaking Muscle.

I do think there is a perfect form of something, though. I believe there is a perfect way to form a strong fitness community. We see a lot of promises of “community” out there (CrossFit affiliates charge around $189.00 per month for it), but what does it actually take to build a strong foundation of people? What does the word “community” even mean in terms of health and fitness?

In my experience, if you aren’t paying attention to your surroundings, a community can be based on some pretty negative stuff, and ain’t nobody got any time for that.

The Idea of Community Versus Reality

During a strange period of my life when I suddenly became afflicted with a full-fledged CrossFit addiction, I joined a “community” of people who paid a car payment of a membership fee every month to cheer each other on while lifting quickly to dubstep music. We bonded over recipes of creations inspired by a mutual eschewing of refined carbohydrates. Personal records were shared. Facebook group and (gluten-free) outings were regularly scheduled. Unsurprisingly, the conversations at these events generally revolved around gluten avoidance and PRs.

“People should never bond over negativity, whether it is aimed toward each other, avoidance of a particular macronutrient, or a mutual disdain for other forms of exercise.”

At CrossFit GlutenFree, I was selected as one of the “cool kids” and found myself added to an “ultra-secret” Facebook group that contained some pretty scathing background commentary about coaches and other members. As someone who has struggled enormously with weight and body image issues, this threw me into a spiral of shame. I developed some seriously disordered diet and exercise habits. It seemed to me that being a skinny-fat casual lifter was suddenly the worst thing on the planet I could ever be. I went along with some of the bullshit to fit in and to avoid being a target for their jokes. This is something I am still ashamed of to this day.

Meanwhile, outside of the Cool Kids Facebook Group (CKFG), I started to notice other glimpses of negativity: people constantly beating themselves up about their WOD times, criticism from coaches about people’s dietary choices, cliquey behavior at group events. One time, the Cool Kids actually got together to have a PR Fest in front of one of the nighttime classes with the pure intention of making other people feel like shit. Although I tried to be a positive person who got along with everyone (including the CKFG members), I eventually dropped out of the gym to do my own thing.

Note: I am not trying to sit here and journalistically waffle-stomp every CrossFit affiliate on the planet based on personal anecdotes or experience. Some of the most wonderfully inspiring people and coaches I have ever met are within the whiteboard walls of CrossFit GlutenFree.

What I am saying is, community should be more than just getting a bunch of people in the same place paying for the same thing. People should never bond over negativity, whether it is aimed toward each other, avoidance of a particular macronutrient, or a mutual disdain for other forms of exercise.

Community Should Enhance Your Life

Here is the main issue I see with a lot of the ideas we have about fitness communities, especially CrossFit: training and diet is not a “lifestyle.” Training and diet is training and diet.

A lifestyle is that of the bartender I met in Steamboat, Colorado who spends half the year slinging slope-side drinks and the other half of the year working a cabana bar in Key West. A lifestyle is built around your own preferences, desires, and goals and should never be something that is preordained by a group. If you are forsaking the things most important to you to adhere to the expectations of a group, you are not in a community. You are in a cult.

“Here is the main issue I see with a lot of the ideas we have about fitness communities, especially CrossFit: training and diet is not a ‘lifestyle.’ Training and diet is training and diet.”

The current community I belong to is a bunch of people who meet a few times a week to lift weights based on some sort of periodization scheme (depending on the individual). We are short, tall, young, old, male, and female. We eat banana muffins, drink BCAAs or coffee for a pre-workout, and foam roll or do dynamic mobility or whatever else to warm up.

It is beautiful because together we share a simple goal – to get stronger. Whatever “strong” might mean to you, and whatever path you choose to get there, that’s all you. I have no idea what my coaches eat. Sometimes I see them lift, but I am not totally sure about their current goals and numbers. I just know they are patient, kind, and supportive. They can answer our questions when we have any, and they leave us alone when we don’t. We have all the resources we need to succeed, and all the room we need to grow.

A True Community

The owner of this gym, my mentor, just lost her sister to cancer. As soon as we all heard the news, a Facebook chat went up: what can we all do to help, when is the memorial, should we do anything at the gym? We don’t have a Facebook group and I barely talk to my gym-mates outside of the weight room. But when we all get together, the bond is stronger than anything else I have ever experienced.

To coaches and gym owners: when is the last time you truly examined the content of your community? I know you have a lot on your plate with memberships, programming, liability, bills, and everything else that goes into ownership. I understand if dealing with interpersonal issues and client psychology and all that jazz is outside of the emotional energy you are able to give after hammering through all the nitty-gritty.

“You can’t just take a bunch of membership contracts, pour gas on them, set them on fire, and pound your chest and yell to the sky ‘I HAVE MADE COMMUNITY.'”

But seriously, who is at your gym? Why are they there? Are there cliquey fractions within your community that might be threatening to undo all of the hard work you put into client acquisition and retention? Are your coaches dealing with members in a healthy way? Are the social events you plan awkward and forced, or do people seem to genuinely enjoy each other’s company? Do you even really need to have social events?

This Isn’t About CrossFit – It’s About People

I get it if all of this rubs anyone the wrong way, especially those who might be members of a CrossFit affiliate. My criticisms are not with CrossFit. Despite the jokes I might make, I think CrossFit is a great thing for a lot of people.

But community is something that needs to be built like a proper fire. You can’t just take a bunch of membership contracts, pour gas on them, set them on fire, and pound your chest and yell to the sky “I HAVE MADE COMMUNITY.” Start with the right ground for your facility, pick a reliable kindling of a strong common purpose, add the right people as wood, feed the fire when needed, let it ebb and flow naturally, and let it burn with positivity and torched goals.

I know that marshmallows aren’t gluten free, but sometimes it can be nice to just sit together and eat some s’mores, you know?

Related Articles:

• Dan John’s Guide to Building an Intentional Community
• When Community Goes Wrong: The Closed-Circle Effect
• Community-Based Fitness: Turning the Tide Toward Health
• What’s New on Breaking Muscle Today

Photos courtesy of CrossFit Empirical.

The post How to Spot a Non-Toxic Fitness Community: It’s About People appeared first on Breaking Muscle.

I never recommend anyone attempts to begin a new diet during the holidays, as it typically means setting yourself up for failure. But that does not mean all is lost throughout this season. In fact, there are many potential health benefits we can find during this time of the year.

Here are my suggestions for how to navigate the holidays without your health going off the rails, and maybe even gain some strength and enjoyment in the process.

RELATED: 4 Commitments You Can Make to Have Happy, Healthy Holidays

Why Social Relationships Are Good

Many people underestimate the positive health benefits of social relationships. A meta-analysis of social relationships and overall mortality concluded by stating, “The influence of social relationships on risk for mortality is comparable with well-established risk factors for mortality.” Translation: our social relationships are just as important as not smoking, exercising, eating a healthy diet, and sleeping well.

All too often people start up a new exercise routine or diet that negatively affects their social relationship. Have you ever been at a party and decided to hang out by yourself in a corner while everyone else was inhaling the baked goods? This is not entirely healthy behavior, despite avoiding the “bad” foods.

“[O]ur social relationships are just as important as not smoking, exercising, eating a healthy diet, and sleeping well.”

Remember that health and disease are placed upon a spectrum. The more we do to encourage positive health, the better off we will be. But it is not possible or feasible to have everything pointing in a positive direction. Life does not afford us with these luxuries.

Sometimes we wind up sleep-deprived because we have to go into work early or our baby was up all night crying. Sometimes we miss some workouts because of an injury or having to stay late at work. Sometimes we just can’t say “no” to the cake our coworkers brought in. On top of that, we have to deal with things most likely out of our control, such as financial issues and work and family problems.

READ: Life: The Unknown and Unknowable at High Intensity – But Is It CrossFit?

All of these factors can lead to negative health effects. But when we correct them, we can make a real difference in improving our health.

Strategy Is Key

The key to solving problems when they arise is to develop strategies to assess our current state of health. Also, when a problem arises in one area of our lives, we need to be ready to tidy up the other areas so our overall health picture does not fall too far off the path.

Most of you reading this article have exercise journals. One solution to assessing where issues are arising is to keep a journal for everyday life. This journal should contain details on your mood, sleep quantity and quality, and the foods you eat. It should also note whether you encounter more traffic, have a tough day at work, or anything else you feel is important and that has an impact on any aspect of your health.

“Once we have assessed the areas that need improvement, we need to have strategies to actually go about improving them. This is where a network of friends, family, and practitioners can come into play.”

But we cannot just write in your journal and forget about it. We need to look at it and notice any trends in either positive or negative directions. Pick one day of the week to go through your journal and make a note of things you are doing well and things that need improvement.

Once we have assessed the areas that need improvement, we need to have strategies to actually go about improving them. This is where a network of friends, family, and practitioners can come into play.

RELATED: Coaching Tip: The Importance of Journaling

An even bigger step is being able to plan ahead for times when you know one or more lifestyle behaviors are going to take a hit. Having a plan of action for these occasions can help negate some of the negative effects. For an example, let’s look at the holiday season.

The Holiday Season for Me

My holiday season will most likely consist of pie, cookies, and booze on a weekly basis – and no, they will not be the paleo versions. I have had some amazing paleo treats in my day, but they simply do not taste as good as the traditional alternative. In acknowledging that my diet is going to take this hit, I then know I have to make other changes to compensate.

RELATED: Paleo Sweets: They Might Be “Healthy” But They Might Still Be a Bad Idea

This means I need to make sure I am getting quality sleep on a nightly basis (good thing Sons of Anarchy only has a couple of episodes left). So, I will be taking a vitamin D supplement, as there is no longer any sun in Massachusetts, and I will be more aware and proactive in my stress management.

The exercise part can be tricky to change up. Most of you reading this are already active and doing more may not be the best solution. There are options, though. If you are still nailing the physical activity part through the holidays, then keeping it the same will do just fine. Personally, I like to tweak it in accordance with my assessment of my health status.

“In a situation like this, focusing on strength gains in the gym may be more appropriate than working on metabolic conditioning.”

For example, I will be sleeping well and eating a lot, and I will have solid vitamin D levels and low stress levels due to my increased social relationships. This, to me, sounds like the perfect recipe to make some big gains in the gym. In a situation like this, focusing on strength gains in the gym may be more appropriate than working on metabolic conditioning.

Have Your Cake and Eat It, Too

The holiday seasons does not spell an end to the progress you have made over the course of the year. You just need to set a plan of action to help you combat the poor nutritional choices that tend to accompany this time period.

READ: How to Stay Healthy and Lean During the Holidays

And know that there are many positive health benefits from hanging around with family and friends – and even making some poor food choices. Social relationships have been shown to be just as important for overall health and we all know we can’t build muscle without some extra calories. So eat your pie and enjoy your holidays.

References:

1. Holt-Lunstad, Julianne, et.al., “Social Relationships and Mortality Risk: A Meta-analytic Review.” PLOS Medicine 2010. Retrieved on November 25, 2014.

Photos courtesy of Shutterstock.

The post How to Make Social Events a Strength This Holiday Season appeared first on Breaking Muscle.

I asked this question to one of my coworkers who’s also helping to facilitate this expansion. His answer was that what prompted the change was “community-based fitness.” We had a pretty interesting impromptu conversation, and he said, “Think about it, you have national pride, state pride, city pride, and so forth. And it just keeps going right down to the gym you go to and the class you take. People identify with other people from the same places.” We discussed many of the trends that have been and continue to pop up nationally – and the common thread among them is community.

What makes CrossFit and yoga such lasting entities is far beyond the reps and the poses – it’s about people coming together. Community-based fitness is also rooted in and around doing something versus a means to an end – that is people approaching fitness to do something with their body versus people approaching fitness to get their body to look a certain way. Not that there’s anything wrong with wanting a nice body. However a community is built by the teamwork of doing something, whereas wanting a better body is self-serving.

Several years back I read the book Bowling Alone by Robert Putnam. In the book Putnam noted the vast decline of what he called “social capital,” or community involvement in our culture, and the myriad of reasons for this decline – technological advancements and changes, how we work, and the role of women in society. Back in the day, our grandparents met friends and spouses at places like church, the Elks, and the bowling alley. Back then, people got together more in various social contexts and organic connection seemed easier to come by, from what I gather. These days we tend to “connect” via social media, email, and texting.

Social capital and community involvement wasn’t and isn’t just about connection and making friends, it’s about building better communities and is certainly a fundamental element of a healthy democracy. Profound social change from civil rights to women’s rights started by grass roots movements and social and community involvment. Change occurs by people coming together in unified thought and action.

In his book, Putnam contends that all hope is not lost for social capital despite our isolating technologies. I tend to agree, and I do so because I have seen it on the front lines of America’s perhaps most challenging and troubling epidemic – our nation’s health. While the statistics continue to show increasing waistlines and unhealthier teenagers, the trends in fitness are in and around building community. This should give us hope and optimism. This is where we need to start if we are to win the battle of the bulge and beyond.

Social change begins and ends with changing peoples’ thinking. It wasn’t a pill or a program that got smoking to go from being the norm to the exception. It was collective and societal thinking and our attitudes in and around smoking. Cool, sexy and relaxing were replaced with repulsive, disgusting, and dangerous in the minds of most Americans. These changes started with social groups and settings. If it is accepted and rejected by groups, then it is accepted and rejected by individuals. Of course these changes start small and at some point become the norms, at what Malcolm Gladwell calls a tipping point.

One can only hope that we are on the cusp of such a tipping point in the fitness, health, and wellness of our society at large. Indeed the popularity of fitness trends (versus fads) are based in a strong sense of community. I made a choice to live in Colorado in part because it’s a mecca for community-based fitness. It’s high time all we get back to building community and give kudos to those trendsetters like yoga, CrossFit, and MMA gyms for leading the charge.

As social capital has declined over the past several decades, so has our health. We see a pretty linear relationship in the number of overweight and obese adults as a percentage of the population up until the late seventies and early eighties. Then that number began to skyrocket and continues to do so. The food supply has a lot to do with that, as does technology and the continued expansion of suburbia. You have to wonder if the decline in community involvement and social organizations has had a role as well?

We will get healthier and leaner in this country when we realize that we have to express ourselves and move physically every day the way human beings are designed to do. We’ll find lasting success in doing so when we find joy in that movement. If we can accomplish something like climbing a steeper face, or sparring with a pro, or hitting a new personal record, these bring about joy and make us want to continue to be fit and healthy. These types of individual goals take teamwork, support, and community. This sense of community is what is ultimately going to turn the tide and get us all fit and healthy.

Photos provided by CrossFit LA.

The post Community-Based Fitness: Turning the Tide Toward Health appeared first on Breaking Muscle.

But some grapply people and groups have taken meaningful action toward outcomes I support. Some have galvanized the community in ways that make me proud to be part of it, because they are putting the lie to the idea that, automatically, grappler = thug. They are helping us define ourselves in terms of the best that is possible in humanity rather than the worst.

We have a ways to go, in grappling and in general, toward creating environments where everyone feels welcome, safe, and respected. And while the fervor around this particular incident may have died down somewhat, there is still a very great need to address the fact that we live in a world where it – and, sadly, countless other incidents like it – are possible.

In this article, I decided to highlight some people and groups that have taken action, leading the grappling community in a positive direction, and then to share my own efforts at contributing to the foundation they have laid. What happened six months ago and how we as a community and as individuals choose to respond is not just about grappling. It’s about the kind of people we decide to be, every day, with every choice we make.

If living a principled life is as important to you as it is to me, read on for inspiration. And bear in mind that this sampling of efforts is by no means exhaustive. Feel free to post additional information to comments.

Grapplers Liz Sussan, Maggie Ghamry, Lana Hunter, and Brittany Senter put their heads together to design a gi patch. All profit is going to be donated to Network for Victim Recovery of DC (NVRDC), the organization which has been helping the survivor of the NYE attack with counseling and court support. NHB Gear and Da Firma Kimonos donated the patches, which are available for purchase here.

Blogger Can Sonmez, known in the grappling community as Slideyfoot, recently hosted a grapplethon to support the work of RapeCrisis, a United Kingdom-based organization.

Australian Girls in Gi is hosting an event to support White Ribbon, “Australia’s campaign to stop violence against women.”

Mixed Martial World is a website run by grapplers whose mission is “to bring back and continue to support the positivity, knowledge, moral responsibility, strength, honor, and integrity that martial arts stem from.”

An Open Letter to the Martial Arts Community is a missive grappler Ryan Hall wrote in the aftermath of the events. Part autobiography and part call to action, it gave grapplers everywhere the language to explain and understand the responsibility of the individual practitioner.

Each of these people and groups did something. They acted according to their consciences, positively affecting the rest of us in the process. They are proof that one person or a small group can make a difference, and they remind us that we all have a responsibility to do more than claim to be outraged.

So, how might we build on their work? Well, as I’ve said before, I am the only person whose actions I can control. The same goes for you. Further, every action has a consequence, no matter how small. So if you don’t want to host an event or create something, don’t. But don’t extrapolate from there that you are somehow off the hook. Decide now that your very next decision will be to do something – anything – positive and build from there.

Here are some ways I’m working on making a difference and building on the efforts of the people described above and others like them. See what you are inspired to do yourself, remembering that taking a small step is actually taking a big step, and post your ideas to comments.

First, I’m currently re-reading The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker. Honestly, every human being should read it. It is a book that can help everyone learn more about the mechanisms at work in the human psyche that have the potential to endanger us and the people we love. It may help women feel more empowered to demonstrate the self-care they deserve. It may give men even the smallest glimpse into the day-to-day experience of being a woman.

Second, I’m striving to make a difference one person at a time. I have the privilege of writing for Breaking Muscle, and doing so gives me the opportunity to share my ideas and opinions with a wide audience. This is incredibly gratifying. What is even more gratifying is that I also have the opportunity to reach individuals because of my writing. Every now and then, individual readers are moved enough by something I have written that they contact me privately with questions or concerns. And sometimes these questions or concerns are about personal safety or how to act. I consider all of the private (and they stay private) communications I receive to be part of the privilege and the responsibility of writing for Breaking Muscle, and I respond to every one, sharing my best thinking about personal responsibility and ethical “jiu jitsu citizenship.” I am by no means an expert, but of course I believe I have something to say.

Third, I seek to understand before I judge. I get exasperated like everyone else, and since I’m a writer, I can describe my exasperation quite colorfully. But I have redoubled my efforts to understand every day in every situation where another person is coming from before I pass judgment on his/her behavior or words. It isn’t easy, but it helps me more accurately identify the underlying issue and what I am bringing to the table myself. (Remember, I can only control my own behavior, and you can only control yours.) Sometimes I conclude that the other person needs an attitude adjustment, but sometimes I’m the one who needs to take five.

I hope with these and other actions that I am actively contributing to the development of a grappling community and to the creation of a world where the idea of what happened six months ago is as repellent to person Z as it is to person A, and where we can develop a shared understanding of what it means to act with integrity, and further, a shared expectation that we will all do so.

I believe the way we make this happen is by listening more than we talk, by assuming responsibility for our own actions, and by making sure our actions are aligned with principles of honor, decency, and self- and mutual respect. Let’s all take a cue from people like those described above, and take action too. If we call ourselves martial artists, how can we settle for anything less?

Photos courtesy of Shutterstock.

The post 6 Months Later: How to Be a Force For Good in Grappling and in the World appeared first on Breaking Muscle.

What I mean is, it’s great to have a passion. But just as my rights end where another’s begin, any passion should have boundaries. It should not run roughshod over social conventions and the concept of just being a good person. Indeed, pursuing a passion should make you a better person, which means sometimes doing the right thing even if it is the difficult thing. After writing the article about priorities, I started to think about how “priority” can slowly or not-so-slowly morph into “sense of entitlement,” and that made me a bit nervous.

Sometimes people can romanticize their commitment to grappling – or anything, for that matter. Witness, for example, the archetype of the starving artist. If we’re not careful, we can become attached to the idea that our commitment to grappling is somehow nobler than the mundanities of life, and that that somehow absolves us of the responsibility to be upstanding members of society.

I would argue the opposite. If we want our priorities to be respected, we should be demonstrating how they enable us to become more evolved, empathetic, and decent people. And if they don’t, then what are we doing? So, it behooves us all to consider thinking about what we can do to make it easier for someone else see their way clear to respect our priorities – and that involves being good citizens, grappling and otherwise. Read on for some suggestions.

1. Meet your other obligations.

Let’s say I make plans with some non-grappling friends or family members to get together in a month or so, or I accept an invitation to a wedding or to take a trip. It could be anything. The point is, I agreed to it, so now certain expectations have been established and actions set in motion. But then a week before the event, I learn one of my favorite grapplers is coming to town to conduct a seminar the same day and time as my other plans. I’m not proud to admit that in the past I have on several such occasions decided to go to the seminar in question, telling my friends I’d be late and then either showing up hours after the designated time or blowing them off completely.

I justified it at the time by telling myself I was just that committed to BJJ. It sounds romantic, no? I convinced myself my friends would understand because BJJ is my priority, and priorities are noble. But do you know what kind of person makes a promise and then breaks it on purpose? A lousy one. (Yes, I am calling myself lousy – but I am in recovery, I hope.) Don’t do that stuff. Be a person of your word. This may mean you think very carefully before taking on obligations, and that’s fine. But we should make sure we know the difference between refraining from taking on a responsibility and blowing one off.

2. Pay your own way.

My personal pet peeve is people who want to be comped for all things grappling because they have given up a “normal” life to pursue it. Somehow, they convince themselves their love of BJJ is so pure it should inspire others to give them handouts. So they ask for free gear, for a break on the mat fee at academies they visit, and the like. This in and of itself isn’t terrible. I suppose it doesn’t hurt to ask, though it does reveal a bit of an entitlement mindset. But what’s really annoying is people becoming indignant when they are refused, as if it’s a travesty of justice that a business owner would be so bourgeois as to expect them to adhere to the rules of a free market economy. (Imagine getting huffy at the guys behind the counter at 7-11 because you don’t want to pay but they are making you. You wouldn’t.) Further, as multiple of my teachers and friends have observed, it seems to be a component of human nature that we frequently devalue what we don’t have to pay for. So even if we get something for free, chances are we will eventually decide we don’t want it or could get something better elsewhere, thereby frustrating those people who did finally indulge us. Pay your own way. And if you can’t afford it, do without.

3. Respect others’ priorities.

In my earlier article, I got self-righteous that some people’s priorities seemed to be accepted as more important than mine. But I need to remember not to tip the scales back the other way and be dismissive of others’ priorities in response. We grapplers sometimes indulge in superiority complexes about ourselves relative to the non-grappling world (or is it just me?), but this should always be tongue in cheek. Sure, I try to recruit people to the cause, but I don’t force the issue, and I also don’t try to make people live the choices I have made. For instance, maybe Friend X isn’t available for coffee at 10pm on a weeknight even though that’s about the time I’m going to get out of training. So maybe we need to figure out a more mutually convenient opportunity to get together. Friend X isn’t being difficult. S/he is probably getting up early for work the next days and/or staying home with the kids. The point is, I need to be the respect I want to see in my world.

We have a right to expect others to respect our priorities, as I argued elsewhere. But we also have a responsibility to recognize that everyone has that same right. The best way to encourage others to expand their perspective on what constitutes a “legitimate” priority so it includes our own grappling-related ones is to be above reproach in our dealings with others. Remember: We all deserve to be happy, fulfilled, and respected. What can we do to make sure we all get what we deserve?

Photos courtesy of Shutterstock.

The post Show Respect to Earn Respect: Prioritize Doing the Right Thing appeared first on Breaking Muscle.

Through the painful process I go through of becoming more self-aware, which I’ve documented elsewhere, I started to figure out the reasons I refuse help, and how understanding these might help me move past them to 1) develop as a person and, more immediately and more “duh”-inspiring, 2) get help when I need it. In my case, it’s not just a matter of telling myself, “Accept help!” because if it were, I would have done so before. So, to figure out what I get out of not accepting help, I’ve had to go spelunking in my own psyche. And I’ve figured out three reasons I don’t like to accept help, though I’m sure there are more.

1. I have to admit to shortcomings.

If I can’t do it myself, what if it means I’m lacking in that area or am not self-sufficient? Yes, it’s just someone offering to help me put my equipment away. But given that I say “no thank you” without even thinking about it, I may be responding not to this specific offer, but to something this offer suggests – in my imagination – about my competence. Knowing me, I am the one who has planted this suggestion about my insufficiency over time, as I (like many of us, I’m sure) am my own worst critic.

2. I have to make myself vulnerable.

Let’s assume I’m able to get past my knee-jerk reaction that accepting help is indicative of some sort of weakness on my part. Accepting help still requires me to make myself vulnerable to another person. It is highly unlikely that someone would help me clean up my equipment and then turn around and call me lazy. Even if s/he did, theoretically it shouldn’t matter, because I do know in the abstract that I’m not lazy. But again, I’m clearly not reacting to this specific situation. I don’t even necessarily know yet what situation(s) I am reacting to, but they seem to have influenced me to be reluctant to make myself vulnerable.

3. I have to risk community.

Okay, what if I accept help and, upon realizing that the expected invective is not forthcoming, it turns out the interaction is a good one? In other words, what if I actually make a connection with someone? This is an example of how you need to be careful of what you wish for. So much of the benefit we derive from working out is related to our interactions with other people and the community we join. But in my mind, I also imagine that I am beholden to this person, that some kind of athletic omerta applies, where now I have to help the person who helped me, or some such madness. I know I wouldn’t expect that of anyone I helped. So I have some, um, issues to work through, evidently.

Do any of these reasons resonate with you? Or are there other reasons you’ve historically not been willing to accept help? How might knowing about them help you (and me) process them and move on? Post your thoughts to the comments below.

Photo courtesy of Shutterstock.

The post Understanding Why I Don’t Like to Accept Help appeared first on Breaking Muscle.

While I was slowly getting the job done by myself, sometimes half-climbing through the window to reach the twine, a friendly-seeming man came up to me to ask if I needed help. Well, as my description should indicate, I did. But interestingly, my immediate, knee-jerk response was, “No thanks, I’m fine.” (Of course, this was after a particularly challenging half-climb into the car window to reach the twine from the other side.) He asked if I was sure, and I repeated that I was fine, but thanks anyway. The nice man shrugged and walked off. As I was driving away, I realized, “Wow, I do not like to accept help.”

And I started thinking about how that has played itself out in my life, particularly what it means for me athletically. It’s a problem, for multiple reasons, and I’ve decided it’s something I want to work on. Here’s how I determined not being open to help affects me and others negatively:

It’s selfish.

I remember times after a CrossFit workout when teammates would make a move to help me put away my equipment – bars, bumper plates, etc. – and I’d say, “Oh, no thanks, I’ve got it.” All they were doing is trying to be good teammates. In retrospect, I realize my behavior was selfish. I know how much pleasure I get out of helping others, so by refusing to allow others to help me, I’m robbing them of the opportunity to feel good about themselves.

It shuts down development of connection/community.

In the improv classes I took many years ago, I learned the concept of “yes-and.” “Yes-and” means you build on what’s given to you. For instance, if your improv partner says, “You are the Queen of Sheba!” then you say, “Yes, I am, and you are the King of Pain!” or some such. You would never say, “No, I’m not the Queen of Sheba. I’m the Prince of Darkness!” Because doing so stops the collaboration in its tracks. So, even if you had your heart set on being the Prince of Darkness, you “yes-and” the Queen of Sheba and see where it takes your partnership. To use an athletic example, if I were to refuse a spot from a partner while bench pressing (“No thanks; I got this”), not only would I be putting myself in potential danger, but I would also miss out on the opportunity to make a connection with someone.

It prevents serendipitous learning opportunities.

Imagine I had accepted the help of the friendly stranger. He might have known how to tie the ultimate Gordian knot, and been willing to teach it to me. In addition to allowing him to feel good about helping a stranger and potentially make a meaningful connection, I might have had the opportunity to learn something I didn’t know before. If I were to accept the help of my teammates in putting my equipment away, perhaps I’d observe something different or more efficient in the way she carried multiple pieces of apparatus, for instance. Who knows what I might pick up by being open to help from another person?

High on my list of new year’s resolutions, then, is to curb my knee-jerk reaction to say, “Oh, no thank you!” when someone offers me help. Instead, I’m going to take a breath and choose to say, “I’d love some help. Thank you!”

Are you like me? Do you refuse help as a matter of habit? What might you gain if you change your perspective on accepting help? Post observations to comments.

Photos courtesy of Shutterstock.

The post Help Me! Even If I Say No Thank You – ESPECIALLY Then appeared first on Breaking Muscle.