Or earlier today, in a powerlifting group, I learned that powerlifters never get injured because (and I quote), “We aren’t pussies.” Scientific!

Then I learned that just lifting weights won’t let me survive a zombie apocalypse (a major concern in my day-to-day life), and if I don’t bow down before the altar of all-holy movement by “exploring and playing,” I will stunt my journey to physical enlightenment due to lack of neurophysiological evolutionary superiority.

Unfortunately, I can’t even take the time to focus on my movement-evolution-revolution because I’m too busy trying to change my blood pH (since apparently your kidneys and lungs aren’t a thing) and finesse my paleo diet so I can justify some bastardized version of fried chicken made with artisanal farm2table almond dust and sustainable, free-range, high-school educated chickens.

Most of the industry vets can see this stuff for what it is. This article isn’t really for them. The people I want to talk to are the young coaches propagating this nonsense and the people it affects most: i.e., the people. 

If you’re a new athlete – or a new coach – beware of propagating the nonsense so pervasive in the industry.

Everybody’s Got a Story

Storytelling is a fundamental human trait. From humans gathered around campfires and cave drawings to modern day Netflix binges and Snapchat, stories are part of who we are. Even in fields like history and science where the story is supposedly objective and “real,” the truth is that narrative biases exist.

Much of what we think constitutes “reality” is an aspect of our personal narrative or the product of someone else’s.

Some of you are probably wondering why the hell someone is talking about the function of a narrative on a fitness website. The answer is because, simply put, narratives are everything. The idea of a personal narrative is a powerful psychological concept that drives and informs every aspect of development.

Frequently when I broach this subject, the reactions are some variation of, “So you’re saying it’s all in my head?” Kind of. It’s not so much that reality doesn’t exist or matter. The more important takeaway it is that you control your perception of reality. It’s not meant to be an insult. It’s empowering. Yes, your reality is just a story. But guess who’s holding the author’s pen?

So what’s the narrative when it comes to the fitness industry? It’s popular to say that the industry story is that we’re broken, and failing the public we claim to serve. That argument implies that the health of the entire country is the responsibility of the fitness industry. The idea that we are supposed to be the ambassadors of healthy living to a fat, sick, and dying society is just silly. Most of us are not doctors. Plenty of excellent coaches don’t even have a college degree. So how can we heal the unhealthy when our first instinct on encountering pain is to refer to another more qualified professional?

In hindsight, I can see that while her smoking habit is probably foolish and detrimental to her health, to extrapolate that to her quality as a human being is preposterous. She’s a speech-language pathologist who spends the majority of her time helping people with traumatic brain injuries re-learn how to communicate with their loved ones. Do I wish she had a healthier outlet for stress? Sure. Do I automatically get the higher moral ground because I work out every day and meal prep? Not a fucking chance. 

There Isn’t One Perfect Tool

One of the funniest realizations you come to as an adult is that we never really escape the social dynamics of high school. No matter how old we get or how mature we become, society will always be overly concerned with groupthink and what the “cool kids” are doing. Now that we’re all grown up, the cool kids are “celebrities,” and instead of arguing about which artist really understands us, we battle about politics and economic policy.

In the fitness world, we argue about cardio versus weights, with the same juvenility.

Imagine a conversation in which a carpenter extols the virtues of the hammer. “Sure,” he says, “screwdrivers and nail guns are cool, but they’re only fancy re-inventions of the hammer. Just get yourself a good hammer and you’ll be set.” Implausible, you say? Of course it is, because any carpenter can tell you that the job determines the tool, not the other way around. 

There’s always a humorous glut of people trying to tell us the one type of exercise we should do. But as far as the research is concerned, if your goal is to be healthy and live a long life, your exercise of choice would probably look like a combination of several things: a moderate amount of long, low-intensity cardio, some higher intensity stuff (but not too much), and some basic, whole-body strength training utilizing compound exercises through full ranges of motion. This could all be accomplished in 3-5 workouts a week, none of them more than an hour. Go for a few long walks at a brisk pace and do some squats, deadlifts, and presses 2-3 times a week.

It’s easy to get lost in all the conflicting information out there. But in truth, you only need the basics.

You Don’t Need to Fit In

I’m a weirdo. Always have been. When I was a kid, fitting in didn’t come naturally to me for a number of reasons (small, weak, interested in books, overly large ears). I dealt with my fair share of bullies, but I decided at a young age that if I couldn’t fit in, I wasn’t even going to try. 

This article is not for those who want to wail about how the industry is “broken,” or for the vets who already know shenanigans when they see them. This article is for the new professionals. Even more, it’s for the people out there who are just looking to get into fitness and don’t know where to start. 

My message is this: Why should you take the advice of any group of people that wants to alienate and ostracize you? What is there to gain? Why would you want the approval of a bunch of small-minded jerks? Far as I can tell, their answer is, “Because we said so.” But their narrow definitions of health and fitness don’t have to be yours, and neither do their methods.

Being different can be difficult, or it can be liberating. Just remember, it’s your narrative. You get to write the story.

More Insight from Coach Camacho:

• Be Your Own Expert: What We Can Learn From Fitness Gurus
• PubMed and Bro-Science: How to Use Evidence in Fitness
• How Deadlifts Saved My Life
• New on Breaking Muscle Today

Photo 1 courtesy of CrossFit Empirical.

Photo 2 courtesy of CrossFit Impulse.

The post Don’t Let the Fitness Industry Tell You What to Do appeared first on Breaking Muscle.

Probably the biggest problem with the show is that despite it being reality TV, it is so far from reality that failure is almost guaranteed for the contestants. Sure, contestants are able to drop astonishing amounts of weight in a short period of time, but the real problems start when the poor contestants are voted out or the show finishes.

Anyone who has worked with people on losing significant amounts of weight will tell you that losing large amounts of weight is all about one thing – changing behaviors. People don’t end up grossly obese overnight and getting them to shed fat while cut off from the rest of the world won’t help much when they leave the house and are faced with reality. There, instead of only having to get to training each day, they will be faced with kids, job stress, all their interpersonal relationships, and even doing their own food shopping. If the right habits aren’t in place, then these people will quickly fall back into their old ways once old stressors are reintroduced to their lives.

Looking at this article on some of the previous contestants just makes me feel bad. Nearly half of the contestants have returned to heavier body weights than what they finished the show at. The goal of any good trainer is to teach clients the habits they will need to be successful if that trainer were not around to help them. Those who have been successful are those who have continued to exercise regularly and make eating right a priority.

But how real is even the weight loss depicted on the show from week to week? I once dropped 3kg in an hour to make weight at a BJJ competition, and I was already lean. Imagine how much water weight you can lose if you are obese? Look at what season one winner Ryan Benson wrote on his personal blog:

I wanted to win so bad that the last ten days before the final weigh-in I didn’t eat one piece of solid food! If you’ve heard of “The Master Cleanse” that’s what I did. Its basically drinking lemonade made with water, lemon juice, maple syrup, and cayenne pepper. The rules of the show said we couldn’t use any weight-loss drugs, well I didn’t take any drugs, I just starved myself! Twenty-four hours before the final weigh-in I stopped putting ANYTHING in my body, liquid or solid, then I started using some old high school wrestling tricks. I wore a rubber suit while jogging on the treadmill, and then spent a lot of time in the steam room. In the final 24 hours I probably dropped 10-13 lbs in just pure water weight. By the time of the final weigh-in I was peeing blood.

Was this healthy? Heck no! My wife wanted to kill me if I didn’t do it to myself first. But I was in a different place, I knew winning the show could put us in a better place financially and I was willing to do some crazy stuff. All this torture I put myself through has had no lasting effects on me (that I know of) and at the time it was sort of a fun adventure for me — but I am sure it wreaked havoc on my system.

In the five days after the show was over I gained about 32lbs. Not from eating, just from getting my system back to normal (mostly re-hydrating myself). So in five days I was back up to 240 – crazy!

Or consider this from Kai Hibberd of season three:

I dehydrated off 19 pounds in the last two weeks before the BIG weigh in. I stopped eating solid food after eating only protein and asparagus (a diuretic) then I had two colonics and spent the night before the weigh in and out of a sauna. There really was no “diet” the day of the weigh in, we weigh in as dehydrated as possible on empty stomachs after 2 hour workouts in the morning.

Does all that seem healthy?

Even ignoring the weight loss, which as you can see isn’t a great indicator of actual fat loss (a better measurement would be a DEXA scan), there is the question of the training. With contestants reporting that it is not unusual for them to train anywhere from four to six hours daily, it’s pretty clear the hopes of learning sustainable practices from The Biggest Loser are nil. There is no way anyone who has kids and a job can manage to fit in that much training on a daily basis for an extended period of time. Not to mention that many of the sessions shown on TV are solely for the amusement of the audience, and not for value to the contestants.

On one episode shown in Australia, the trainers picked their teams on day one by making the brand-new-to-training, severely overweight contestants run up and down the beach. I don’t know which Wheaties box these trainers got their qualifications from, but expecting a severely out-of-shape person to run is a sure-fire way to have a medical issue crop up. No great surprise to me when a member of that group suffered a broken leg. However, the production team dressed it up to make even more drama out of it and it was the main point that was advertised for that week’s episode. I just want to reiterate that – the best thing they could come up with for advertising was to point out that their trainers were so negligent that they injured a brand-new client.

This brings me to my next point – substantial weight loss is about changing habits and creating sustainable patterns for the rest of the clients’ lives. It’s not about humiliating them and nationally broadcasting what is already a very uncomfortable situation. There is no difference when someone weighs four hundred pounds to making them weigh in with or without their shirt. Weighing in shirtless only makes things more sensational and serves to belittle the contestants more. I’ve never been four hundred pounds, but I’m pretty sure these people have had enough humiliation and shaming to last the rest of their lives.

This same trend actually continues even if contestants are voted out of the show. With a final weigh-in and TV ratings still on the line, contestants can expect to be hassled by the production crew daily about their weight and training, as well as receiving constant reminders about how thankful they should be for being treated like some kind of public Christmas turkey (except in this case they are being starved instead of fattened up). Consider this from Kai Hibberd again:

I think when I was on the actual ranch we were eating between 1,000 and 1,200 calories a day, I’m not certain. The thing is, it got worse when I got home… I would get e-mails constantly from the producers: ‘what have you done today?’ ‘are you working out enough?’ It was just always, always, always. At that point, [I had] all the pressure on me, and [I was] trying to do right by what I had been told is the best thing to ever happen to me. And they would tell you all the time, ‘200,000 other fat girls were in line right behind you. How dare you waste this experience? How dare you let anybody down?’

So I got to a point where I was only eating about 1,000 calories a day and I was working out between 5 and 8 hours a day… And my hair started to fall out. I was covered in bruises. I had dark circles under my eyes. Not to get too completely graphic, but my period stopped altogether and I was only sleeping 3 hours a night. I tried to tell the T.V. show about it and I was told, ‘save it for the camera.’

Still think The Biggest Loser is doing wonders for people?

Finally, no mention of the show would be complete without discussing the famous “trainers” who are the heroes of the show, with images carefully crafted by the producers to appear heroic so they can better swoop in and save the poor contestants from their dire woes. In Australia, we even have one simply called “the Commando.” (Although, at least he actually was a commando.) Could you get much more heroic than that?

These trainers, both in the U.S. and Australia, have been responsible for more poor training movements and sessions than any small group of people ought to be. They’re exercise terrorists, holding reason, professionalism, and common sense for ransom. From the worst pad-holding technique I’ve ever seen from someone who purports to have been a professional boxer, to kettlebell form that makes my spine hurt just to watch, these are hardly shining examples of some of the stars who legitimately work within the industry. The only positive thing I have to say about the trainers from the show is that they are really good at yelling. I should have done cheerleading at school instead of anatomy, it seems.

While the show has been helpful at motivating some people to get off the couch and get moving, I know many fitness professionals feel the same way as I do. We would rather the show be about education, changing habits, and teaching people how to get in shape and stay that way, while balancing their lives at the same time. Because that is the only way that long-term change can be made. (I’d also be really happy never to see some screaming idiot making a four-hundred-pound person try to run or jump or any other exercise that is nearly guaranteed to cause an injury.)

As my brother says, “The show’s name says it all.” But I can’t help but feel that the joke is on the whole world as these media-led examples become people’s idea of what is the right way to go about creating substantial change. Do yourselves and the rest of the world a favor in 2014 – don’t turn it on. When ratings drop, the show will be dropped too, and then the true professionals can go back to doing their jobs right – without all the screaming, public humiliation, eating disorders, and injuries.

Images 2&3 courtesy of Shutterstock.

The post The Real Biggest Loser Is the Show Itself appeared first on Breaking Muscle.

But the reality is that everyone has a different fitness regimen, everyone has an opinion (and a right to one), and sometimes our emotions can cloud our judgment. In fact, that is what I want to take a look at today – the science behind how our emotions impact the critiques we write in response to articles. My goal is never to upset anyone, but as Patrick McCarty mentioned in a recent article, if no one ever criticizes, how will things grow for the better?

The Science Behind Human Emotion

Human emotions are complex, but humans usually respond to situations based off the emotions they feel at the time. Two major emotions that typically drive us to write mean comments are disgust and anger. There are two structures in the brain involved with the feeling of disgust and those are the insula and basal ganglia. As far as anger, the perception of anger involves a neurotransmitter system (activated by dopamine) and a neural structure, specifically the ventral striatum.

There are also two different models to understand when it comes to emotions and our response to them. These are the Circumplex Model and the Approach-Withdrawal Distinction.

The Circumplex Model

Before diving headfirst into this model, we need to understand the concepts of arousal and valence. Arousal is the term for the bodily changes that occur with emotion, such as changes in heart rate, sweating, and the release of stress hormones in response to a stimulus (i.e. maybe something you read that really pisses you off). Valence is the subjective quality, positive or negative, of the emotional response to a specific object or event. For example, you read an article and you begin to feel that it is extremely unpleasant.

Both of these dimensions can be put on a scale. This model puts arousal on one axis and valence on another. Arousal is the strength of response to a stimulus and activation to the stimulus. Valence reflects the degree to which the experience is pleasant or unpleasant. Using two dimensions of emotional experience, the circumplex model creates a graphic framework in which a range of emotional states can be positioned.

The Approach-Withdrawal Distinction

Emotion may be classified in terms of motivation, which can be conceptualized as the propensity to action. The propensity to action is a component of some emotional responses. Scientists can test this by using EEGs and giving subjects a PANAS Score (Positive and Negative Affect Score).

Investigators found that people varied in relative level of activity in the anterior left and right cerebral hemisphere when at rest. Investigators linked this asymmetry to the various dispositions of their subjects. People who rated higher on a series of positive affective traits such as enthusiasm, pride, and attentiveness showed relatively greater EEG activity over the left anterior frontal region at rest. Those who were higher on the negative affective traits such as guilt, anger, fear, and disgust showed relatively greater EEG activity over the right anterior frontal region.

So what does all of this brain information mean? It is providing proof that our brain reacts to the emotions we may be feeling at any given time, so if we feel an article evokes disgust or anger in our emotional capacity, you will have withdrawal emotions, which leads to a relatively low PANAS score (meaning negative affect traits), but the part of the brain that will have the most activity (i.e. your EEG) will be the right anterior frontal region.

In a nutshell, different emotions lead to different goals for action. This model characterizes the component of an emotional reaction that is the propensity to action, that is either a tendency to approach the object, event, or situation or to withdraw from it.

Putting These Models Together

Negative emotions like anger and dislike can lead to avoidance or withdrawal behaviors, which can increase your level of arousal depending on the emotion. Articles that speak against what you believe in may evoke a response like anger and disgust. Most of us will have a stimulus or arousal that then increases the likelihood to respond with a hostile comment. But sometimes it may be best to wait to respond until we can find a way to share our thoughts without attacking the writer. When we do it this way, our comment will sound more relevant and will open up a better discussion platform for others to join into the conversation.

Read the Publication and Understand the Content

I know sometimes when something is totally against what we believe in, it can be hard to read the entire publication. But if you do read through the piece you may find a place where you and the writer have common ground and this can help you in your response. For example, if I read something that says part of building the handstand push up is to start learning the kip, of course this is something I do not agree with, but if the author has other valid points, then I have found common ground with them. I can build a response back to the writer, using common ground first, and then showing the author where I found that it might be better for the athlete to have the baseline strength first in the movement.

Another example is when an author might make a joke in the beginning of his or her article that may be at the expense of another area of fitness, but with further reading you realize the author is saying something that is not against that given area at all. This is why you want to understand the full content before responding. It could turn out to be a situation in which you have 100% commonality.

But even if you and the writer do not agree at all, it’s important to understand what the author is trying to convey to the audience. The more you understand, the less likely you are to bring your arousal emotions into the picture, which means you are less likely to write a hostile response at the author’s expense and the more likely you are to stay in a productive mindset.

You Represent Your Area of Fitness, Whether You Know It Or Not

You must understand that whatever your area of fitness is, whether it is CrossFit, strongman, powerlifting, kettlebells, or even Jazzercise, you are essentially a representation of that said area. People will read your comments and imagine that’s what your area of fitness is actually like. You can turn people away because of your comment, or you can bring people to understanding.

If you post things like, “Yeah, that guys a fucking newb to (insert fitness program here). He doesn’t understand what the hell he’s talking about,” then you trash your own image. It’s better to write in a calm manner, without attacking the writer, and having information to back your comment. When you write in this way, you will have more validity to your statement. You will have the opportunity to open up meaningful discussions that may changes minds, including the author’s. You also open a door to what your fitness community is about. If you write in an attacking manner, you encourage any misconceptions people may have about your area of fitness.

Everyone is going to have an opinion. It may not be your own opinion, but that is okay. But remember your comments are more than just a comment, and you may be representing more than just yourself. Be careful about what you write, and remember to comment only in context to the writing itself, not in hostility to the author. Happy commenting!

References:

1. Barker, Lewis. Psychology. (New Jersey: Pearson Education), 172-175

2. Kosslyn, Stephen M and Smith, Edward E. Cognitive Psychology: the Mind and Brain. (New Jersey: Pearson Education), 329-332

Photos 1 & 3 courtesy of Shutterstock.

Circumplex Model courtesy of Breaking Muscle.

Illustration courtesy of xkcd.

The post What Science Has to Do With Our Comments on Fitness-Related Articles appeared first on Breaking Muscle.

One of the problems with information, though, is that often for every piece of research that shows one response you’ll find another than shows the completely opposite response. For instance, Norwegian researchers conducted two studies on distance athletes – both runners and cyclists (Storen et al., 2008 and Sunde et al., 2010). The results showed that after eight weeks of a simple program of half squats performed for 4 x 4, three times per week both strength and explosiveness improved along with the athletes’ time to exhaustion during testing.

That all sounds pretty good, right? Lift some weights three times per week while continuing to train your sport and see improvements. But you need to read a bit further into the research to find some real answers.

Consider, for starters, that many of the most noted sports scientists, like Mel Siff and Tudor Bompa, don’t believe it is possible for strength built in the gym to have any carryover to actual endurance performance. Their viewpoint is that during the off season strength should be built and then closer to the event or season turned into sport specific strength via hill sessions – the traditional method for endurance athletes to gain sport specific strength.

One of the things people get excited about when reading research is the “time to exhaustion.” The thinking is that if you can last longer you’ll go further. But unfortunately, that’s not how racing works. They don’t line up at the start line and say, “We’ll go for an hour and whoever goes the furthest wins.” What they do is line up and say, “We’re going to race over X kilometers and whoever goes that far the fastest wins.”

There’s also some weird psychological stuff that goes on when you do a test to exhaustion and many, including Dr. Timothy Noakes – a field leader in endurance research and its application to racing – don’t believe you can accurately test someone to exhaustion without a finish line. The body works to minimize harm and governs the effort so it conserves as much energy as possible over any distance. So, without an actual finish line to shoot for the result is therefore flawed.

To show how easy it is to find research that opposes the first studies cited I spent all of five minutes on the NSCA Journals site and found this study that says the exact opposite. The findings of Levin et al. showed that despite a ~30kg (109kg – 137kg) increase in their squat 1RM, a group of cyclists did not change in any measureable way their peak power, their time trial over a 30km effort, or their endurance.

And that’s the problem with studies. There were many things that were different – from the training protocols to even the pacing strategy needed for the tests. While the second study did show that strength training may increase sprint cycling, and would explain the resistance training focus of many track cyclists, there were simply not enough common threads for it to be comparable.

But the point is not that either study is right or wrong. That’s the thing with science – it’s completely impartial. Each study found different things that proved true under the constraints of the study. When you consider how many variables there are to performance, from strength training to hydration to hours slept to nutrition to even the subject’s mental state, it is almost impossible to accurately find studies that are really comparing the same things.

So, in particular, when you read that a study supports someone’s product just ask yourself what is gained from that support. The world of fitness is filled with snake oil salesmen and hucksters trying to separate you from your money. I’m far more inclined to believe a trainer or coach who simply says, “Here are my guys and this is what happened when we train this way,” than someone who comes out and has a folder full of research data to back up a central point in their sales message. As seen above that research can be skewed or made to fit any agenda. Be careful when you feel yourself being lured in by studies and claims of research and actually take some time to read the full research or look for opposing views. You’ll be glad you did.

Photos courtesy of Shutterstock.

The post Beware of Snake Oil Salesmen (Especially Ones With Science) appeared first on Breaking Muscle.

A part of me agrees wholeheartedly with this, but another much larger part of me can’t help but shake my head, because man didn’t just sit and huddle around fire. He tamed it and used it to make protein more available through cooking meat. He used it to create and refine tools for hunting and war. Ultimately it was his taming of fire that led to man becoming the apex predator that he is today.

If not for man’s curious nature and his efforts to discover new things that could be done with fire, we’d still all be huddled around in the dark in a cave somewhere. But our spirit of adventure and of discovery allowed us to take what we now think of as a small thing and use this one thing to overcome our environment.

Where this quotation falls down is that it was in reference to training – as if there was one fire, one source of expertise, and as if someone was the sole owner of an exercise. But that’s not the case. While there are many who could be credited with bringing certain exercises to the forefront – Pavel Tsatsouline and any kettlebell lift springs to mind, or Ian King and single leg training, or even CrossFit and Olympic lifting. But do any of these men own these exercises?

In the case of single leg training I first saw them spoken of back in the mid-nineties by Ian King, well before anyone else was discussing them. Then, along came Pavel Tsatsouline’s Naked Warrior, Mike Boyle, and more recently Ben Bruno, all talking about single leg work. They’ve added details, having had more time to experiment and add more useful information while discarding ideas that haven’t panned out over time. By exploring the idea, they’ve created a better understanding of it and allowed many of us to benefit.

The same goes for core work. From Joseph Pilates’ ideas to Paul Chek, Stuart McGill, and Gray Cook things have sure changed a lot over the last thirty years. Some things have been proven wrong and others just improved upon as our understanding of how the body ties together increases. But it’s this spirit of exploration, of taking the fire and seeing what we can do with it that has led to these improvements in understanding.

The world of fitness is an odd one. For something that really is as simple as, “move more and don’t eat crap,” we seem to have made it fairly complicated. We have created secret little clubs that purport to hold secret fire making information and laud it over others. It always struck me as odd for people to act like they’re the holder of the keys to the universe when it comes to exercise. No one owns a squat or a bench press or a swing. Can you imagine how ludicrous I would sound if I came out and said that I am the owner of running? That I, above all others, knew the secrets to running that no one else could tell you (and if you’ve been following my athlete journals you know just how ridiculous the idea of me as a super runner is).

These same groups think that by proximity to their fire wizard they’ll somehow be elevated in status in the herd. The best a mirror can ever hope to be is a reflection; it will never be the original. Look at how many people can dance like Michael Jackson, but could they ever replace him?

There is nothing new in terms of human movements. Years before Dan John boiled it down in Intervention, Ian King was already speaking about it and someone, somewhere well before my time in the industry was probably saying it before him. And it was this realization that hit me the hardest – the reason it’s possible for people to pretend to own their particular brand of fire is because of two things:

Firstly, people love being part of a group. We are hard wired to belong to a tribe and when it comes to defending our tribe we will bleed for it. That is so deeply set within our DNA that it is impossible to shake. That’s why football teams have so many fans, why marathons are so popular, and why people drink Kool-Aid – it’s all about the tribe.

Secondly, and even more importantly, I believe, is the complete lack of ability people show in sticking to things. The fitness industry is incredibly short term. The majority of trainers last less than three years, so in essence the majority of the work force (over sixty percent in Australia) is made up of people with less than three years experience. Only the final one percent of the industry is made up of true career trainers with fifteen or more years of experience (and I’m proud to be a one-percenter).

Not only that, but people’s interests in training don’t last. The role of a personal trainer involves a little bit of work to keep clients interested. Not many people have the willpower to turn up and actually stick to a result-producing plan made up of the basics. No matter how effective it proves to be, sooner or later they’ll snap mentally.

So in the fitness world you end up with lots of little tribes of fire owners all catering to the constant new influx of people. These people will do one of two things – either come and absorb the useful then leave to experiment with it themselves and expand that knowledge, or they’ll simply move onto the next thing in a little while. If you sit still for long enough in any tribe, you’ll probably see that last group a couple of times over the next thirty years as they return based on marketing and what is the current training trend.

So what’s my point with all this?

It’s the start of a new year. Don’t just sit huddled in your cave hoping your proximity to the fire makes you better. Absorb it and go outside into the unknown and explore.

Photos courtesy of Shutterstock.

The post Oog Make Fire, Man Make Fitness Cults appeared first on Breaking Muscle.

Sure, you might go get yourself a degree in electrical engineering and make yourself a heck of a lot smarter in certain areas of life. But, sadly, that won’t carry over as much as you’d have liked it to other areas. We are all left totally clueless when it comes to most things. I have a degree in mathematics, I’m a weightlifting coach, and I’m a musician who plays multiple instruments, but I can’t fix your toilet or your car, I can’t work with wood, or really do anything that would be considered a “man skill.”

Fitness is one of those areas where otherwise very bright people can come across as remarkably lost. A person with a law degree can come into the gym and see nothing weird at all about never lifting weights, doing nothing but light jogging on a treadmill for thirty minutes twice a week, never altering their diet other than to add in a lunch time salad, and wondering why they don’t lose weight.

It isn’t their fault. They simply don’t know yet. There was a time we didn’t either. But, now, you and I have edged our way up into the fitness 1% and we can be rather arrogant about the difference between what we know versus the shear ignorance that persists out there among the 99%.

I would love to tell you that we shouldn’t sit around making fun of these people, but today is not that day. There are times in life that your only choice is to laugh: laugh at others.

Today’s case in point is a few moronic fitness devices and trends. Let the games begin.

#1: Treadmill Bike

Running is horrible. I hate it. I’m a weightlifter, I don’t believe in getting my heart rate up. But as much as I hate to run, there is likely only one thing I hate more: running on a treadmill.

At least normally when you run you get to be outside and SEE stuff. But when you run on a treadmill you are stuck watching Court TV, old episodes of General Hospital, or Oprah, because Lord knows that is all that is ever on the big screens at those kinds of gyms that still have treadmills. And the idea of living out the old U2 song Running to Stand Still doesn’t appeal to me.

Thankfully, someone came up with a solution to the boredom problem AND the running to stand still problem. Take the treadmill outside and let it roll, baby! Turn your treadmill into a bicycle and then you can take it on the road and get somewhere, too.

Because riding a bike doesn’t do either of those things, and neither does using your feet to run on the ground.

#2: Gladiatorial Combat

Humans didn’t just magically get dumb in the twentieth century. They have always been dumb. Case in point: gladiatorial combat. Sure, it wasn’t something the masses did to keep themselves in shape. But there is no denying that gladiators were serious athletes whose workouts would be in line with many of the best athletes alive today.

There was only one problem. Their sport required death.

On the upside, they were some of the first athletes in recorded history to do what we’d easily recognize as intense weight training. They did conditioning work that would make CrossFit Games competitors cry. And they had very real incentive to learn the most effective martial arts and self-defense skills.

Of course, the REASON they did all of this was to avoid dying! We humans are more than dumb; we are outright cruel and horrible and have been so often throughout history that it is hard to truly fathom the depths of that horror. Russell Crowe looking hot in a skirt aside, gladiators lived short lives that ended in agonizing deaths. And it was all for the sake of entertainment of the masses.

That was a fitness/sports trend I think we can do without. Unless it is Captain Kirk and Spock fighting to the death over Spock’s betrothed on the planet Vulcan. Then I get it.

#3: The Shake Weight

I really don’t have anything to say about the Shake Weight other than, “Um…” with a long pause and quixotic look on my face. How in the name of Zombie Jesus this device has anyone buying it I don’t know.

My problem with the Shake Weight is that it seems rather tame. Why not go all the way? Why not bring your barbell into an earthquake prone city and snatch while the world crumbles around you? THAT would be shakin’ with some weight!

I really have nothing else to say.

#4: Sanitized Tapeworms

Another blast from the past is the intentional use of tapeworms to help you lose weight. I mean, why bother eating less when you can simply have a little creature-helper in your tummy that steals away the calories for you?

It’s seems like a good idea once you get past the obvious Alien-style creep-out. I love my milkshakes, burgers, and alcohol. And I really have no plans of cutting them out of my diet. Which means if I want to stay lean, I am forced to either eat these tasty goodies less, or find a way of making the calories “not count.”

Tapeworms to the rescue!

Unfortunately, when you have a tapeworm, it doesn’t just steal calories. That little buddy in your belly is also stealing essential nutrients. We call these nutrients essential for what I would presume are obvious reasons.

#5: The Thigh Master

Admit it. We all want to look more like Beyonce – walkin’ on sexy muscular thighs that look as powerful as they are. So a device like the Thigh Master comes along with that blonde chick from Three’s Company squeezin’ and a-flexin’ on the edge of a bed in a headband and knee warmers and there isn’t any way on this earth we aren’t going to buy it.

Unfortunately, the Thigh Master turned out not to be a master of anything, and didn’t even come with a free headband.

The lack of progressive resistance was a rather large oversight on the part of the designers. Which is too bad given how awesome it would be to have the ability to squeeze five hundred pounds between your knees while watching reruns of Xena the Warrior Princess on Netflix, eating a large pizza, and washing it down with a martini in the full knowledge that your tapeworm would take care of it for you.

What was the point of all of that? Nothing! Sometimes you just gotta make fun of other people to feel better about yourself, and I am simply not in the mood to make apologies about that. So there.

The post The Top 5 Stupidest Fitness Ideas in the History of the Universe appeared first on Breaking Muscle.